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    Meet Catherine Butler.

    The upstate New York woman was arrested twice Saturday morning for drunk driving. Butler’s busts came about three hours apart, according to police.

    Butler, a 26-year-old Rochester resident, was first collared around 2 AM after leaving a Halloween party (hence her zombified state). Butler was pulled over when officers spotted her driving without headlights.

    After being released into the custody of a friend, Butler was arrested for the second time around 5 AM, when her vehicle was spotted swerving on a roadway in Gates, a town outside Rochester.

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    A South Carolina woman told police yesterday that her former boyfriend stole her “Obama phone” during a confrontation yesterday morning, according to an incident report.

    Tasha Mallory, 29, said that she was on her phone when Desmond Ty’Quan Gray, 22, “entered her apartment uninvited” Monday morning and “began to ask her who she was on the phone with.” Mallory and Gray “are not dating but have one child in common,” cops noted.

    According to Mallory, Gray tried to grab her phone, but she held it close to her chest “so Mr. Gray could not get to it.” Gray, Mallory alleged, then pushed her to the floor, bit her shoulder, and scratched her arm. He also allegedly wrested her phone away and then fled the residence in a green vehicle.

    “Ms. Mallory described the cell phone as an ‘Obama phone,’” according to a Spartanburg Police Department report.

    While talking with cops, Mallory pulled out a “second cell phone that she had” and showed text messages from Gray “stating that he did not want the relationship to end.” Police subsequently sought to locate Gray for questioning, but were unsuccessful (they planned to consult with a judge about the incident).

    Gray, seen in the above mug shot, has prior arrests for drug possession, shoplifting, domestic violence, attempted burglary, and peeping, according to court records.

    The federal government’s Lifeline program, which began in 1985, provides phones to financially disadvantaged individuals. While the program’s mobile phone component launched months before Barack Obama’s 2009 inauguration, the 44th president has been linked to it largely due to a video shot during the 2012 presidential race.

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    A woman wearing a Hello Kitty costume was arrested early yesterday for drunk driving, according to Maine police.

    Cops pulled over Carrie Gipson, 37, when they spotted her car driving in the wrong lane on a road in Gorham, a town outside Portland. During the 2 AM traffic stop, police discovered that Gipson was dressed as the popular Japanese character, a white bobtail cat with a trademark red bow in her hair.

    Gipson is pictured in the above mug shot. The head of her Halloween costume was also photographed by police.

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    In recognition of October being National Breast Cancer Awareness month, Nicole Matthews got a ribbon shaved into her head (and had it dyed pink).

    Then the Illinois woman checked into jail to serve a 60-day sentence for driving on a suspended license. Matthews, 38, is being held in the Champaign County jail on the misdemeanor conviction.

    Matthews is scheduled to be released from custody in about three weeks, just in time to celebrate Movember.

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    This week’s most embarrassing shoplifting arrest comes from South Carolina, where police yesterday nabbed an 18-year-old woman for stealing Rock Hard erection cream, handcuffs, and Deep Throat desensitizing spray from a mall store.

    Karla Farmer first swiped the cream and spray from the “love unit” of a Spencer’s store, according to a police report. After exiting the business, she returned a few minutes later to nick the handcuffs, investigators allege.

    Mall security subsequently detained Farmer and handcuffed the teenager when she fought with them and tried to flee.

    When police searched Farmer’s purse, they recovered the Spencer’s merchandise, as well as a bra and two pairs of underwear apparently stolen from a Victoria’s Secret location in the WestGate mall in Spartanburg.

    Seen in the above mug shot, Farmer was charged with shoplifting and booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count (she was released from custody last night).

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    A Florida teacher called cops to report that a five-year-old student had again “groped her in the vagina,” according to a police report.

    The educator told investigators that it was the second time the boy, a student at the Blanche H. Daughtrey Elementary School in Bradenton, had grabbed her. She contacted police to document the child’s behavior, which the woman said had “escalated” and “become aggressive and vulgar the past 2 weeks.”

    While the boy is not identified in the report, he is likely a kindergartner at the school, which runs through the fifth grade. According to its web site, the school prepares students for “academic success and life as responsible citizens.”

    No charges were filed in connection with the reported October 9 groping.

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    An intoxicated member of the Air Force was arrested early Saturday after he gave a Minnesota cop a double “wet Willy,” according to cops.

    As a Mankato Department of Public Safety officer was speaking with a municipal bus driver around 2:20 AM, the cop “felt two fingertips that were obvious to him as wet with saliva being pushed into his right and left ear canals,” according to a probable cause statement.

    The officer turned around and saw a tall white male walking away. “I just gave the cop a wet Willie,” the suspect said as he joined a group of his friends.

    The officer confronted the man, later identified as Riley Swearingen, a 23-year-old who was home on leave from his post at North Carolina’s Seymour-Johnson Air Force Base.

    Swearingen, pictured at right, told the cop that the “wet Willy” was a joke for which he was sorry. Swearingen, who smelled of booze and appeared drunk, was then arrested. When asked what would happen if he gave a “wet Willy” to a military superior, Swearingen “admitted it would be a very big deal.”

    Swearingen was charged with felony assault on a cop, misdemeanor assault, and disruptive intoxication. During a court appearance yesterday, Swearingen pleaded guilty to the drunk charge and was sentenced to the three days he had already spent in custody.

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    After getting vanquished in a beer pong match, a group of sore losers opened fire early yesterday at a Texas house party, wounding a female reveler, police report.

    The 1:20 AM shooting Sunday took place at a residence in Ames, a city 45 miles from Houston.

    According to the Liberty County Sherriff's Office, investigators are searching for two men who allegedly shot up the party after losing at the beer pong table. Deputies identified the suspects as Decoris “Red” Rucker, 24, and Chris “Crazy Chris” Hackett.

    Rucker and Hackett were among a group of five men who became upset after losing a backyard beer pong game. The men, witnesses said, ran from the home while firing wildly at partygoers. An 18-year-old woman was shot in the thigh during the gunfire.

    Rucker, Hackett, and the other men fled in a 2006 Buick. Seen at left, Rucker, a convicted felon, has a lengthy rap sheet that includes burglary, assault, weapons, and drug arrests. In April, he was busted on several felony narcotics counts. 

    While no arrests have been made in the beer pong shooting, cops expect to file aggravated assault with a deadly weapon charges against the gunmen.

    beer pong, gun, Texas
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    An ill-advised Ebola joke has landed an Ohio man behind bars on a felony charge, records show.

    Emanuel Smith, 60, was gambling Wednesday at the Horseshoe Casino in Cleveland when he allegedly told a dealer that he was there as a way to avoid his ex-wife, who was stricken with Ebola.

    Smith, a retired municipal employee, claimed that his former spouse had recently returned to Cleveland from West Africa.

    According to a Municipal Court filing, Smith’s comment “caused panic” in the downtown casino, a portion of which was shut down as a result of Smith’s claim. The closure, investigators allege, caused the business to suffer “a large financial loss.”

    Several hours after his Ebola comment, Smith was arrested at his Cleveland home and charged with inducing panic, a felony, and criminal trespass. He was booked into the Cuyahoga County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $10,000 bond.

    A judge has ordered Smith, seen in the adjacent mug shot, to stay away from the casino, which opened in 2012.

    Smith made his Ebola crack on the day that it was first reported that a Texas nurse who tested positive for the disease had recently flown to Cleveland to visit family and try on wedding dresses.

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    A bus passenger was arrested yesterday after cops discovered that his luggage contained 48 Most Sacred Heart of Jesus candles that had methamphetamine mixed in their wax, according to Louisiana cops.

    An El Expresso bus bound for Mobile, Alabama was pulled over early Thursday morning in Baton Rouge following a traffic violation. During a subsequent search of the coach’s cargo hold, a drug detection dog alerted to a suitcase.

    When members of the Highway Interdiction Unit opened the luggage, they found the 48 religious candles, which contained “methamphetamine mixed in wax, disguised as candles,” according to investigators.

    The seized candles are seen in the above Baton Rouge Police Department photo. While the candles weighed in excess of 110 pounds, police did not specify the weight of the meth discovered.  

    While none of the bus passengers claimed ownership of the seized bag, cops located a photo of a man inside the suitcase. The image matched that of passenger Jose Antonio Rodriguez-Lara, a 19-year-old Texas resident.

    Rodriguez-Lara, seen at left, was arrested on a felony narcotics charge and booked into jail, where he is being held in lieu of $30,000 bond.

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    Florida cops have released an image of the glassy-eyed victim of the notorious Walmart masturbator.

    As seen in the above evidence photo, the brown, tan, and red stuffed horse was allegedly used Tuesday by Sean Johnson, 19, as he pleasured himself inside the store in Brooksville.

    After splattering the “stuffed horse’s chest area” with ejaculate, Johnson placed it “on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set).” The toy, price tag in place, was later placed on Walmart’s floor, where it was photographed by a cop.

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    There has been another burrito assault.

    An Idaho man was arrested Sunday after allegedly throwing the tasty Mexican treat at a worker at an assisted living home, police say.

    Travis Micho, 52, tossed the burrito during a dispute with Claressa Tharp, according to a Kootenai County Sheriff's Office report. Micho, deputies reported, “grabbed his burrito from his dinner plate and threw it at Tharp as she was standing across the table from him."

    Tharp, 40, who works at Harmony House Assisted Living in Hayden, was struck with “several pieces of the burrito.” The balance of the burrito “was on the wall,” investigators reported.

    When questioned by a deputy, Micho (pictured above) copped to throwing the burrito at Tharp. He was arrested on a misdemeanor battery charge and booked into the county jail (from which he was released yesterday after posting $600 bond).

    According to a sheriff’s spokesperson, Micho has been arrested 17 times in Kootenai County since 1991. His rap sheet includes multiple drunk driving arrests, as well as weapons, narcotics, battery, and probation violation charges.

    Stories about prior burrito attacks can be found here and here.

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    10/16 UPDATE: Police release photo of victim

    A Florida man today took a stuffed animal off a Walmart shelf and then used the toy to masturbate before returning the ejaculate-covered item to a store shelf, police report.

    The repulsive episode occurred around 3 PM at a Walmart in Brooksville, a city 50 miles north of Tampa.

    According to a police report, Sean Johnson, 19, “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department.” He then went to the comforter aisle in the housewares section, “proceeded to pull out his genitals,” and “proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.” The lewd act was captured by surveillance cameras.

    After Johnson “achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area,” he placed the “soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also.”

    While Johnson fled the store before he could be apprehended by Walmart security, he was subsequently arrested by Brooksville Police Department officers. In a written statement, Johnson admitted that, “I did unmentionables to a stuffed animal.” Noting that he committed a “horrible act,” Johnson added, “I need to think before what I do. I’m extremely sorry.”

    Johnson, seen in the above mug shot, was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief and booked into the Hernando County jail. He was released from custody at 9:45 tonight after posting $1500 bond.

    The Walmart merchandise that came into contact with the reshelved stuffed animal was deemed contaminated and not suitable for sale.