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    After being placed in shackles due to some alleged drunken dumbassery, a Florida collegian told cops that being restrained “gets me off,” and then requested someone “pinch my nipples,” according to an arrest report.

    Cops allege that Joseph Lancaster, a 22-year-old University of South Florida student, caused a disturbance early Sunday after refusing to pay an $820 bill at a St. Petersburg nightspot.

    After Lancaster argued with security guards, his friends stepped in and paid the bar tab. Lancaster, stumbling and slurring his words, then began shouting, “I am sorry none of you graduated high school, but fuck you.” Upon being detained by police, Lancaster’s belligerence did not cease. “Fuck you, pussy” and “Bro, this is fucked,” he shouted, cops noted.

    When a police transport van arrived, Lancaster “even argued with the van driver,” the report states. “The defendant had to be placed in shackles and stated, ‘This gets me off.’ He also said ‘pinch my nipples.’”

    Charged with disorderly intoxication, a misdemeanor, Lancaster was booked into the county jail (from which he was released this morning after posting $100 bond).

    Pictured above, Lancaster was arrested in June for driving under the influence. He was freed on $500 bond in that pending misdemeanor case, which is scheduled for a December 11 hearing.

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    Meet Lauren Clay and Darryl Thompson.

    The Maryland couple was arrested early today on weapons charges following a traffic stop in Glen Burnie, a Baltimore suburb.

    According to the Anne Arundel County Police Department, Thompson was behind the wheel of a vehicle pulled over for an “equipment violation” around 1:40 AM. Clay was in the auto’s front passenger seat.

    After detecting the smell of marijuana, cops asked the duo to exit the car. It was at this point that an officer spotted a Ruger 9mm handgun tucked into Clay’s waistband. During a subsequent search of the vehicle, a second loaded gun--a Ruger outfitted with a Crimson Trace laser sight--was recovered.

    Clay and Thompson were each charged with four misdemeanor weapons counts, according to court records, which list their joint residence as an apartment located less than a mile from where they were busted.

    As seen in their mug shots, the defendants appear to be big fans of “Rick and Morty,” the animated, late-night Cartoon Network series. The show’s principal characters are Rick Sanchez, an alcoholic mad scientist, and his grandson, Morty Smith. The hit show’s fifth season is expected to start in the next several months.

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    A defendant who threw two naked women out of his Florida home during a 2 AM altercation yesterday told police that the victims attacked him after he declined to engage in a sexual threesome, according to criminal complaints.

    Responding to a 911 call about a disturbance at a Clearwater apartment building, cops interviewed Ciraya Rassasombath, 27, and Angelique Pavelec, 28, about an encounter with Rassasombath’s husband that allegedly turned violent.

    According to arrest affidavits, Pavelec went to Rassasombath’s home to “hang out and drink.” While at the apartment, Pavelec said, “they had planned sexual arrangements with her friend’s husband,” Calvin Rassasombath, 33.

    But before a threesome ensued, a verbal argument began, Pavelec reported, over the way Calvin was treating his wife. As the dispute escalated, Calvin allegedly choked both naked women before throwing them out of the residence. Ciraya told cops that the attack occurred “during a planned sexual arrangement.”

    A Clearwater Police Department officer reported observing marks and bruising on the necks of both women.

    After being read his rights, Calvin claimed that the women “wanted to have sex with him but he did not want to,” prompting them to attack him. Calvin added that he was “able to get them out of the residence and call law enforcement.”

    Based on the statements given by the women and the evidence of the injuries they suffered, Calvin was arrested on felony and misdemeanor battery charges. After posting $5500 bond, he was released this morning from the county jail. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the women.

    Calvin has previously been convicted of trespass and burglary (for which he spent time in state prison). He is pictured above, flanked by Pavelec (left) and Ciraya.

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    In a harebrained and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to score some free food, a Georgia woman posed as an FBI agent while demanding gratis grub from Chick-fil-A workers, cops allege.

    Late Thursday morning, police received a suspicious person call from employees at the eatery in Rockmart, a city 45 miles from Atlanta. A 911 caller reported that the suspect, who was in a white van, was “identifying themselves as a federal agent to try and get free food.”

    When cops arrived at the Chick-fil-A around noon, they approached a white Dodge Grand Caravan whose driver was later identified as Kimberly Ragsdale, 47, who lives about 20 miles from the restaurant.

    Asked by an officer if she had been identifying herself as a federal agent, “Ragsdale stated that she was a federal agent,” according to a Rockmart Police Department report. In response to a police request to see her credentials, Ragsdale replied that she “did not have one that it was electronic.”

    Ragsdale refused to exit her van until an officer displayed his taser and warned that it would be deployed unless she got out of the Dodge.

    After being handcuffed, Ragsdale continued her charade. “Ms. Ragsdale then began to talk into her shirt like she was talking into a radio telling someone that we were arresting her and to send someone to Rockmart PD,” reported Officer William Gilstrap.

    Chick-fil-A workers told another cop that Ragsdale had been coming to the restaurant (seen below) “for several days saying she worked with the FBI and requested free food.”

    Seen in the above booking photo, Ragsdale was charged with impersonating a public official.

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    Angered that a burger joint “had no more lettuce for their sandwiches,” a Florida Man allegedly caused a disturbance late Wednesday that resulted in his arrest on a pair of criminal charges.

    Police say that Henry Arce-Cabellero, 49, was beating on the windows of a Checkers restaurant in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area. Arce-Cabelleo was melting down, cops charge, “because he was upset that the store had no more lettuce for their sandwiches.”

    According to a criminal complaint, Arce-Cabellero was “yelling and screaming” at Checkers’s employees, causing them to “fear for their safety.”

    When police arrived at the eatery around 11:30 PM, Arce-Cabellero, who was in his car, refused to identify himself, prompting an officer to remove him from the vehicle. “The defendant was uncooperative with me and denied the allegations,” a patrolman reported.

    Arce-Cabellero was charged with disorderly conduct in an establishment and resisting an officer without violence, both misdemeanors. Arce-Cabelleo was released yesterday from the county jail on his own recognizance.

    According to recent news reports, a national lettuce shortage has impacted restaurants across the country. Last month, for example, Chick-fil-A alerted customers that due to “industry wide challenges with lettuce supply, certain menu items, including salads, may be prepared differently or unavailable for the time being.”

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    Meet James Fleurant.

    The 28-year-old Florida Man was arrested early yesterday for misuse of the 911 system after he placed a bizarre 1:45 AM call to the police emergency line.

    Fleurant told an operator that he was “seeing aliens, little ones flying low to the ground,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    The Vero Beach resident added that he did not want “to go Independence Day on them,” an apparent reference to the movie starring Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, and Bill Pullman.

    In the 1996 film, an invasion by alien aircraft is repelled, but not before earthlings suffer widespread death and destruction (including the incineration of poor Harvey Fierstein).

    Fleurant is locked up on $500 bond on the misdemeanor charge. His rap sheet includes convictions for battery, theft, and probation violation.

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    A Florida Man is accused of striking his girlfriend with a pumpkin and its innards during a 2 AM confrontation yesterday in the couple’s apartment, police report.

    According to a criminal complaint, Nathan Garisto, 26, was arrested Monday on a domestic battery charge. Garisto, free on $1000 bond, has been ordered to have no contact with the 29-year-old victim.

    Police say that when they responded to the couple’s Largo residence, the victim was “covered in pumpkin seeds and pulp.” Garisto, cops noted, was “heavily intoxicated while engaged in a verbal argument with his girlfriend.”

    After refusing his girlfriend’s requests to leave the home, Garisto allegedly “threw a pumpkin and all insides of the pumpkin at the subject,” the complaint alleges. When questioned by police, Garisto claimed that he only “threw the pumpkin at the sliding doors,” and not at the victim.

    Seen above, Garisto has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor count. A judge yesterday ordered him to wear an alcohol monitor as part of his bond conditions. Court records show that Garisto’s rap sheet includes convictions for drunk driving, marijuana possession, careless driving, and probation violation.

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    A Florida Woman arrested for trespassing was hit with a second criminal charge when, after being asked to identify herself, she repeatedly told cops that her name was “My butt just farted,” records show.

    Melinda Lynn Guerrero, 33, was collared Wednesday evening after refusing to leave a Mobil gas station in St. Petersburg.

    Following her arrest, Guerrero refused to provide her name to police, according to a criminal complaint. Cops asked “multiple times,” but “defendant repeatedly said, ‘My name is my butt just farted.”

    Officers subsequently identified Guerrero as the accused trespasser--likely due to the fact that her photo and fingerprints are on file in connection with a series of arrests over the past several years. Also, she has “Guerrero” tattooed on her back.

    Police noted that Guerrero may have been under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

    Charged with trespassing and providing a false name to law enforcement, both misdemeanors, Guerrero (seen above) was released yesterday afternoon from the county jail on her own recognizance.

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    A Florida Man slapped his girlfriend in the face with a slice of pizza, leaving her covered in “grease, red sauce, and food toppings,” according to police who arrested the accused batterer.

    Responding Wednesday night to a call about a disturbance at an apartment building in Port Charlotte, cops were met by the 51-year-old victim, who said that Sean Metcalf, 59, had "smacked her in the face with a piece of pizza."

    The woman said she was taking items to the trash when Metcalf became very angry and started to yell at her. Included in the material the woman planned on tossing was a pizza box she mistakenly thought was empty.

    “Sean told her not to throw his things away and became very angry,” according to a probable cause affidavit. The victim responded by tossing the pizza box back into the residence, causing slices to escape containment.

    Metcalf allegedly then approached his girlfriend, “picking up a slice of pizza and hitting the victim in the face and chest with it.”

    When questioned by cops, Metcalf admitted losing his cool and yelling at the victim, but denied the dispute became physical. He also claimed to have “no idea how pizza got all over the victim.”

    Seen above, Metcalf was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Charlotte County jail. He was released from custody Thursday after posting $2000 bond. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the victim.

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    The theft of a man’s prosthetic leg has resulted in strong-arm robbery charges, cops say.

    According to investigators, Larry Stothers, 41, accused the victim of stealing a backpack. So Stothers and a cohort, 31-year-old Jayson Rappa, allegedly confronted the man Saturday afternoon in Largo, Florida.

    “A fight occurred between all parties,” according to an arrest affidavit. “And in the course of the fight a prosthetic leg was taken from the victim.” The man whose leg was stolen fled the scene and sought police assistance.

    Officers arrested Stothers and Rappa about an hour later, and charged each man with strong-arm robbery, a felony. Stothers (left) and Rappa are pictured in the above mug shots.

    Court records do not indicate whether the victim’s leg was recovered.

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    Meet George Vacherlon.

    The Florida Man, 48, was already shackled when cops took him into custody early Monday morning following a traffic stop in Eustis, a city about 40 miles from Orlando.

    Vacherlon, an ex-con whose rap sheet includes multiple felony convictions, was charged with possession of ammunition by a convicted felon after cops found a Remington .22 caliber round inside his Jeep’s driver door pocket.

    Vacherlon’s male passenger, with whom he shares a home address, was busted on drug charges after officers found methamphetamine and used syringes in his bag.  

    According to a Eustis Police Department report, Vacherlon, who is locked up on $10,000 bond, was “placed in handcuffs, that were double-locked and checked for proper fit.”

    It is unclear whether such care was taken when Vacherlon’s steel bondage collar went on earlier that evening.

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    A supermarket manager was pelted with boxes of frozen pizza by a Pennsylvania man who refused to wear a mask inside the store when approached by the worker, police allege.

    Cops today announced that Patrick Steiner, 35, has been charged with harassment and disorderly conduct in connection with an incident last month at a Giant Eagle store near his home in Altoona, a city about 80 miles east of Pittsburgh.

    According to the Logan Township Police Department, Steiner was inside the Giant Eagle on a Thursday afternoon when he refused to wear a mask when approached by the store manager.

    Steiner, investigators charge, then “threw boxes of frozen pizza at the manager and fled the store.” The victim provided cops with the license plate of Steiner’s car, which resulted in a traffic stop and the alleged pizza pelter’s arrest.

    Police did not indicate whether Steiner intended to purchase the pizzas or just retrieved them from a freezer for use as makeshift munitions.

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    Meet Bounty Cheramy.

    The 22-year-old Florida resident was arrested for drunk driving early Sunday after allegedly slamming his Mazda into an electronic sign cautioning motorists to “Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over.”

    According to a probable cause affidavit, cops found Cheramy outside his car around 12:30 AM on the Tamiami Trail in Port Charlotte on the state’s Gulf Coast. Cheramy’s auto had sustained “heavy front-end damage,” reported a deputy who also noted that “the county sign board trailer had been struck.”

    Cheramy told police that he was talking on the phone when he “suddenly struck something,” but was unsure “what he had struck or how he hit it.”

    The wrecked electronic sign is pictured below.

    Cheramy smelled of alcohol, was swaying back and forth, and could not focus on questions posed by a deputy, the affidavit alleges. Cheramy, who performed poorly on a series of field sobriety tests, took two breath tests, both of which recorded his blood alcohol content at twice the .08 legal limit.

    Cheramy was charged with a pair of DUI counts and careless driving. He is scheduled for arraignment on September 16.