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    When a “very large bag of marijuana” tumbles out of your shirt after the handcuffs have been applied, do not be surprised when the cops ignore your disavowal of ownership of said weed.

    Police responding early Saturday to calls about a disturbance at an Iowa apartment building discovered Kyle Clark, 19, and another man “face to face yelling at each other,” according to a criminal complaint.

    Upon spotting the Iowa City Police Department officers, Clark tried to walk away from cops, who noticed he “had a very large bulge under his shirt near the waist line like he was trying to hide something.”

    When a cop asked if the protuberance was “a bag of weed,” Clark reportedly “tried to walk down the stairs which was a dead end.”

    After Clark was handcuffed around 3 AM, “a very large bag of marijuana fell from under his shirt. He claimed it wasn’t his,” reported Officer Tyler Lakose. The complaint does not indicate whether Clark explained why he had someone else’s stash--which weighed about four ounces--nestled against his belly

    Clark was charged with felony and misdemeanor drug counts and booked into the Johnson County jail, from which he was released late Saturday morning.

    In a similar case, a Louisiana woman denied ownership of methamphetamine that was discovered inside her vagina during a 2019 jail strip search. She subsequently pleaded guilty to a felony narcotics charge.

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    A long-haul trucker is facing multiple criminal charges after crashing his tractor-trailer--which was filled with Pop-Tarts and Cheez-Its--while driving early this morning on Interstate 95 in Maine.

    Police say that Miles McIntyre, a 61-year-old Southern California resident, drove off the road and struck rock ledges, causing the truck to roll on its side (and the vehicle’s contents to tragically spill into a ditch).

    Officers responding to the rollover crash arrested McIntyre after he was determined to be impaired. McIntyre was charged with driving under the influence of drugs, driving to endanger, and possession of methamphetamine.

    Pictured above, McIntyre was treated for minor injuries at a local hospital, and then booked into the Kennebec County jail.

    While police did not reveal how many Pop-Tarts and Cheez-Its perished in the crash, an inspector from the Maine Department of Agriculture was on site to inspect survivors to “ensure safe consumption.”

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    The Tesla owner who was watching a movie when his car, traveling in autopilot mode, struck a North Carolina police cruiser has walked away from the crash legally unscathed, records show.

    Prosecutors recently dismissed a pair of charges filed against Devainder Goli following the August 2020 crash on Highway 64 near Raleigh. Goli, a 67-year-old doctor, was cited for watching TV while driving and failing to move over.

    Both counts were dropped last month by prosecutors, according to a District Court filing which does not offer an explanation for the dismissal, but indicates that Goli’s insurer paid more than $28,000 in property damage claims.

    Goli’s lawyer, Henry Neese, did not return TSG calls about the case. In an email, Heather Nicol, a spokesperson for the prosecutor’s office, wrote that the dismissal notice “is all we will be legal able to tell you. Have a wonderful day.”

    According to police, Goli (seen at right) was driving home around midnight when his 2015 Tesla Model S sedan struck a Nash County Sheriff's Office squad car, which then caromed into a North Carolina State Highway Patrol vehicle. Both autos were stopped on the highway due to an earlier accident.

    Two cops--who were both outside their vehicles--were knocked to the ground in the crash, but not seriously injured.

    A police investigation determined that Goli was watching a movie on his phone while the Tesla traveled in autopilot mode, guided by a series of cameras and ultrasonic sensors.

    As seen in the below evidence photos, Goli’s Tesla and the sheriff’s vehicle suffered significant damage in the crash.

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    The drunken Oregon motorist whose blood alcohol content was measured at more than nine times the legal limit--apparently a U.S. record--has been sentenced to 13 months in prison for his inebriated antics, according to court records.

    Nathan Danzuka, 28, recently pleaded guilty to DUI, reckless driving, and fleeing charges in connection with a hit-and-run accident (and subsequent police chase) in February in Madras, a city 125 miles southeast of Portland.

    Danzuka was arrested after crashing his Ford Explorer into a concrete barrier. Police reported finding “several alcoholic beverage containers” inside the SUV.

    Danzuka was subsequently transported to a local hospital where a blood sample showed that his blood alcohol level was a staggering .778, more than nine times the legal .08 limit. At time of his arrest, Danzuka was driving on a suspended license due to a prior drunk driving conviction.

    In addition to his 13-month prison term, Danzuka was sentenced to a year’s probation and had his driver’s license “suspended for life,” court records show.

    Pictured above in a Department of Corrections photo, Danzuka is locked up in the Oregon State Penitentiary, a maximum-security institution in Salem.

    Previously, the highest blood alcohol contents reported by TSG were the .72 recorded by an Oregon woman in 2007 and the .708 recorded by a South Dakota woman in 2009.

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    The 23-year-old woman seen here was photographed this week upon entry to a Michigan county jail.

    The whereabouts of her missing hair are unknown.

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    See if you can spot the difference between these two mug shots (click to enlarge).

    The 24-year-old pictured in the photos was arrested early yesterday morning by Illinois police.

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    During a dispute over whether to watch cartoons or the show “Monk,” a Florida Man struck his roommate at an assisted living facility over the head with his cane, according to cops who arrested the accused assailant on a felony charge.

    Investigators say that Glenn Hutchinson, 58, struck the 56-year-old disabled victim during a confrontation Sunday evening at the Midway Manor facility in Clearwater. Both men are residents there due to “a variety of physical conditions,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    While his roommate sought to watch cartoons, Hutchinson preferred to view “Monk,” the police procedural starring Tony Shalhoub as an obsessive-compulsive sleuth. The pair’s argument over the TV turned violent when Hutchinson hit the victim, Edward Vance Davis, on the head with his aluminum cane.

    Hutchinson told police that Davis “drove his motorized scooter into his leg,” prompting him to swing the cane in self-defense. Davis, who was left with a “visible mark” due to the cane blow, was not transported to a hospital.

    Charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, Hutchinson was booked into the county jail, where he remains behind bars in lieu of $5000 bond. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with Davis.

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    This is not what comes to mind when you hear that an inmate was repeatedly shanked.

    A Missouri corrections officer named Haven Shank has been arrested for allegedly having sex on multiple occasions with a male offender, a relationship that apparently has left the defendant pregnant, court records show.

    Shank, 26, was charged this month with a felony for engaging in sexual contact with a prisoner (who was locked up in the state facility where Shank worked). During an interview with a Department of Corrections investigator, the inmate, Jeron Ward, said that he had sex with Shank “on approximately five separate occasions.”

    Ward also said that he placed calls to Shank. In one conversation, according to a probable cause statement, Shank asked Ward “if he picked a name for Haven Shank’s unborn child.” The pair’s sexual encounters allegedly spanned several months and ended earlier this year.

    A female witness told investigators that Shank told her “she became impregnated by an offender.” Shank’s former husband gave an investigator a screenshot from Shank’s Twitter account “which indicated Offender Ward is the father to her unborn child.”

    Pictured above, Shank spent several days in custody prior to her release on her own recognizance following her July 21 arraignment. A Circuit Court judge has ordered Shank to have no contact with Ward, and has scheduled a preliminary hearing for August 6.

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    Upon returning home from a doctor’s appointment Monday afternoon, a Florida retiree discovered a naked woman skinny-dipping in his pool, according to cops who arrested the intruder on trespass and resisting charges.

    James Clark, 69, told police that after spotting clothing that was not his “in the lanai by the pool,” he “looked around to find a naked white female in the pool.” Clark then dialed 911.

    When cops arrived at Clark’s Port Charlotte home, the woman, later identified as Heather Kennedy, 42, was still in the pool. She did not want to identify herself “or explain why she was there,” according to an arrest report. Kennedy, deputies noted, was hostile and “requested for law enforcement to leave her alone.”

    Kennedy is pictured above lounging in Clark’s pool as cops tried to coax her out of the water. Kennedy eventually exited the pool, but struggled with officers as they sought to handcuff her.

    Charged with trespassing and resisting without violence, Kennedy was booked into the Charlotte County jail on the misdemeanor counts. She is scheduled to be arraigned on August 4.

    Court records list Kennedy’s residence as a private home about two miles from where she was arrested.

    Kennedy was convicted earlier this year on a felony narcotics possession charge and a misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia count. She was arrested following a traffic stop that yielded morphine pills, marijuana, and crack and meth pipes. Kennedy denied ownership of the pills, claiming they were the property of “a male by the name of Crackhead Chris,” according to a police report.

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    Even by Florida's loose standards, a guy swinging a stolen alligator around by its tail at 3:20 AM in an attempt at “teaching it a lesson” is truly bizarre.

    According to police, William Hodge, a 32-year-old fisherman, was arrested early today after officers spotted him trying to fling the purloined alligator atop a building in Daytona Beach Shores.

    When Hodge’s attempt to launch the alligator failed, Hodge slammed the reptile to the ground and stomped on it, according to a charging affidavit.

    When cops approached Hodge, seen at right, he “raised his hands up as if he were giving up and was taken into custody.” Asked what he was doing when throwing the alligator in the air, Hodge reportedly replied that he was "teaching it a lesson."

    Investigators say Hodge removed the alligator from an enclosure (seen below) at Congo River Golf & Exploration, a miniature golf course that offers patrons the opportunity to feed and hold alligators.

    The court affidavit does not specify the size and weight of the alligator Hodge is alleged to have swiped. The alligator was subsequently turned over to Congo River’s general manager, who valued the stolen goods at $300.

    Hodge was charged with animal cruelty, possession and injury of an alligator, unarmed burglary, theft, and criminal mischief. He is being held in the Volusia County jail in lieu of $4500 bond.

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    A teenage girl was repeatedly groped by a 76-year-old man seated behind her on a plane traveling Friday night to Montana, according to FBI agents who arrested the septuagenarian on multiple felony charges.

    Investigators allege that Vincent Kopacek sexually abused the 15-year-old victim on a July 8 Allegiant Air flight to Bozeman from Austin, Texas. Kopacek was released today from federal custody and ordered into home detention by a federal magistrate.

    Pictured above, Kopacek has been charged with assault, abusive sexual contact, and attempted sexual abuse of a minor (who is identified by the initials “AG” in court filings).

    As detailed in an FBI affidavit, Kopacek was seated directly behind the victim, who was in a window seat. The girl, who was traveling with her family on vacation, was seated next to her sister, while their mother was in an aisle seat. The girl’s father and brother were in a separate row.

    According to Agent Matthew Deurmeier, prior to departing Austin, Kopacek “reached his hand around [the girl’s] seat, between her seat and the interior wall of the aircraft. AG did not know the male. AG described his hands as dry and rough.”

    As the flight progressed, Kopacek “moved his fingers along AG’s seat then onto her body,” the affidavit states. Kopacek allegedly grabbed and squeezed the girl’s arm, “brushed his fingers along her torso,” and grabbed the child’s waist. “At some point,” Deurmaier added, Kopacek “touched her chest and groped her breast over her clothes.” The girl told investigators that Kopacek also tried to touch the front of her pants near her waistline.

    During the flight, “AG” took over “twenty short videos and several photographs with her cell phone to document” the groping by Kopacek, who did not have another passenger seated next to him. 

    The girl told police that she was “uncomfortable with the male touching her and during the flight she tried to distract herself so she would not cry.” The teen added that that she was scared the man would “get his hand into her pants” and that she “felt guilty for not speaking up” during the flight.

    Upon arriving at the family’s hotel, “AG” told her parents about what occurred on the plane, prompting them to contact law enforcement.

    Videos and photos from the girl’s phone “showed what appeared to be a larger, white hand in between AG’s seat and the interior wall of the aircraft,” Deurmeier wrote. “In an least one video, the hand is groping AG over her shirt while AG looks at her phone,” the agent added.

    Kopacek, who lives in Fredericksburg, a central Texas city, was arrested Sunday when he checked in at the Bozeman airport for his flight home. If convicted of the most serious felony count, Kopacek faces a maximum of 15 years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

     

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    When attempting to steal from Walmart at 7:50 AM, it is best to dress in an inconspicuous manner so as not to draw the attention of store security.

    Or you can wear a revealing, skintight “Baby Girl” catsuit like Taejah Clay.

    The 20-year-old Louisiana woman was arrested late last month after she and a teenage accomplice allegedly switched the price tags on hats and shorts in a Walmart in Pensacola, Florida. The duo was detained after checking out with the illegally discounted merchandise (which was valued at about $50).

    Store surveillance footage recorded the suspects “switching the price tags and checking out,” according to a Pensacola Police Department arrest report.

    Pictured above, Clay is scheduled to be arraigned for misdemeanor larceny on July 15.

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    Meet Bridgette Frank.

    The 31-year-old Californian was arrested Saturday on a felony bad check charge and for failing to appear in court in a separate misdemeanor case. Frank, who lives in Covelo, a small Mendocino County town that includes the Round Valley Indian Reservation, was released from custody after posting $8500 bond.

    Now as for her t-shirt.

    Frank--whose rap sheet includes convictions for drunk driving, assault with a deadly weapon, child cruelty, and narcotics possession--appears to be wearing a t-shirt that aspires to be a bootleg Louis Vuitton product.

    However, the name of the French fashion house has been rendered as “Loius Veitone.” A Google search for “Loius Veitone” returns no results, indicating that Frank’s shirt is likely the butchered product of an overseas counterfeiting operation, not some ironic take sold by a fashionista.

    Public records do not indicate whether, at the time of Frank’s arrest, she was wearing a Rolez watch or carrying a Channel handbag.