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    Is Robert Wooten’s identity worth stealing?

    The 40-year-old Texan is a career criminal whose rap sheet includes multiple felony convictions and prison terms. He is currently wanted in connection with a series of armed robberies in Houston.

    It is not hard to identify Wooten (seen at right) since he has his own social security number tattooed on his forehead (not to mention Houston’s area code, 713, inked on his throat).

    Members of the public are being asked to call the Houston Police Department or Crime Stoppers of Houston if they have information about Wooten’s whereabouts.

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    Prosecutors have declined to pursue a criminal charge against a Pennsylvania woman who was arrested for allegedly leaving her spouse with “puncture marks and scratch marks” on his genitals following a 1:45 AM shower confrontation.

    Abigail Geiger, 22, was charged with simple assault following a mid-September fight with her husband David inside the couple’s residence in Lititz, a Lancaster County town.

    As reported in a probable cause affidavit, David “received puncture marks and scratch marks to his genitals” when Abigail grabbed him “in an effort to stop him from leaving the shower.” Abigail told cops that she had been arguing with her husband in the shower.

    David was treated at a local hospital for injuries suffered during the September 19 incident.

    According to court records, the district attorney’s office withdrew the assault charge against Abigail (pictured above) on December 28. No reason was given for dropping the misdemeanor rap.

    The Geigers, parents to an infant daughter, celebrate their first wedding anniversary next month.

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    While an unsuspecting female shopper was browsing an aisle, a Walmart worker creeped up behind her, knelt down and used his phone to take a photo beneath the victim’s dress, police allege.

    Cops were summoned Tuesday afternoon to a Walmart in Boynton Beach, Florida after the shopper reported to store management that she had been victimized in an "upskirt" incident.

    The 35-year-old victim had been informed by another female shopper that she had been targeted by a Walmart employee.

    A police review of store surveillance footage showed worker Madisson Clycove Ledan, 21, approaching the customer from behind. He then knelt down and, with “some kind of device in his left hand,” he “placed the device under the dress and then stood up and walked away.”

    When confronted by police, Ledan refused to answer questions. His phone was seized as evidence, according to a probable cause affidavit.

    Seen above, Ledan was charged with video voyeurism, a felony. He was released from the Palm Beach County jail yesterday afternoon upon posting $1500 bond.

    An order signed by a Circuit Court judge prohibits Ledan from having any contact with the victim and the witness. Additionally, Ledan is barred from “all Walmart stores.”

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    Meet Nicole Hunter.

    While waiting to be booked for causing a disturbance on Christmas Day, the 25-year-old Connecticut resident removed some cocaine from her pocket and attempted to snort the drug inside the local police department, cops allege.

    Hunter was collared after Ledyard police received reports of a reckless driver behind the wheel of a Kia SUV. After cops located the suspect vehicle in Hunter’s driveway, she allegedly became belligerent and charged at officers, resulting in her arrest.

    After being transported to Ledyard’s police headquarters, Hunter--who was waiting to be searched--removed a bindle of cocaine from her pocket and sought to snort the white powder. Her attempt was unsuccessful, cops say.

    Pictured above, Hunter was charged with narcotics possession, disorderly conduct, and interfering with a police officers. Free on bond, Hunter is scheduled for a January 8 court appearance.

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    Meet Nicole Shankster.

    While sitting in a bus shelter last Tuesday afternoon, the 34-year-old Floridian was enjoying a bottle of Skol Vodka while “simulating sex acts” for the enjoyment of motorists caught in rush hour traffic on the adjacent street.

    Then things got weird.

    When police arrived to arrest Shankster, the Clearwater resident repeatedly used a racial epithet when addressing a black cop. Then, as Shankster was being restrained from “masturbating while in police custody,” the defendant “did intentionally sexually satisfy herself on my left arm and lick my right arm,” reported Officer Ashley Mehler.

    An arrest affidavit does not further describe this icky encounter, which resulted in a felony battery on a law enforcement officer count being filed against Shankster (who was also charged with disorderly intoxication).

    Seen above, Shankster is locked up in lieu of $5100 bond.

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    A scissors-wielding nutcase told police that his wife Taylor Swift directed him to attack a man on a Portland, Oregon street, according to a court filing.

    Cops report that Brent Thicksten, 43, was “acting weird” and menacing passersby Sunday morning when he began to chase victim Andrew Rice. As Rice ran from Thicksten, the alleged assailant swung at him “with what appeared to be a knife.” Rice, investigators noted, suffered a small laceration on his back.

    When officers apprehended Thicksten, he said that he sought to stab Rice because “my wife told me to kill him.” He then identified his spouse as Taylor Swift. Asked about the 28-year-old singer's whereabouts, Thicksten replied, “We are one.”

    Thicksten ceased answering police questions after telling cops he had "a top secret clearance."

    Charged with an assortment of felonies and misdemeanors, Thicksten is being held in the county jail in lieu of $277,500 bail.

    Thicksten, who is a bit scruffier than Swift’s usual paramours, is pictured in the above mug shot.

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    Florida cops responding to a trespassing call were confronted by a male suspect armed with a “large dildo” that he swung at officers before being taken into custody.

    Following a call from a homeowner about a man sleeping on his land, sheriff’s deputies earlier this month encountered Donald Hornback, 71, snoozing on the complainant’s property in Indiantown, a village outside Port St. Lucie.

    Upon being rousted, Hornback declared that cops “had no right to remove him from the victim’s property,” according to a police report.

    As Hornback gathered up his belongings in a backpack, the septuagenarian “picked up a large dildo and began to swing it around at the officers and the victim on scene.” The sex toy, not considered a dangerous weapon, did not prompt the use of deadly force by investigators.

    Hornback was subsequently disarmed and taken into custody. Pictured above, he is free on $750 bond.

    Hornback was named yesterday in a criminal information charging him with trespassing, a misdemeanor. He is scheduled for arraignment on December 14.

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    The Maryland Hamburglar was arrested this morning.

    After video of a break-in earlier this month at a McDonald’s restaurant went viral, cops today arrested Jessica Marie Cross, 27, on burglary and theft charges.

    According to investigators, a McDonald’s employee arrived to work on November 5 to discover the burglary, which netted the thief $1400.

    When Howard County cops reviewed store surveillance video, they saw the burglar--now identified as Cross--arrive at the drive-thru window in a Hyundai Sonata around 1 AM on November 5. The restaurant was closed at the time.

    As seen in the above video, after Cross pushed open the unlocked window, she leaned in and got a fountain drink. She then wedged her way through the window and proceeded to spend about 35 minutes in the eatery before departing (apparently through the front door).

    In addition to cash, Cross (seen in the adjacent mug shot) allegedly swiped a purse, Happy Meal toys, and food items.

    Cops charge that Cross can be seen “attempting to disable the surveillance system, wipe her fingerprints from the area and wash the cash drawers to remove her fingerprints.”

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    Prosecutors have declined to pursue a criminal case against the Florida woman who was arrested for allegedly battering her estranged husband when he interrupted her as she was “pleasuring herself.” 

    Flavia Higgs, 42, was arrested in mid-September following a 12:30 AM confrontation with her spouse Garrett inside the Port St. Lucie residence the duo still shares (but where they maintain separate bedrooms).

    According to an arrest affidavit, Garrett, 44, arrived home and "heard moaning from the house." Upon determining that the sound was coming from Flavia’s bedroom, Garrett banged on the locked door, but received no response.

    Believing that there was another man in the house, Garrett used a screwdriver to open the door, an incursion that was appreciated by Flavia, who sought to "physically escort him out." During an ensuing struggle, Flavia “struck him in the face,” police charged.

    When questioned by cops, Flavia said that Garrett “barged into the room” while she “was pleasuring herself,” the affidavit reports. Flavia was subsequently arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge.

    In a recent filing, prosecutors notified the court that they would not be pursuing the criminal charge against Higgs. The “no information” notice--which does not detail why the case was abandoned--resulted in the court’s closure of the matter.

    As of late last month, the estranged couple (seen above) appeared to be living under the same roof.

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    A Vermont teenager called 911 early Sunday morning to report that an intruder dressed as a clown was snoozing in his residence, police report.

    When cops arrived around 3:30 AM at the home in the town of Marlboro, they found Sean Barber, 43, “intoxicated and sleeping in an upstairs bedroom inside the occupied residence.”

    Barber, cops charge, was also “found to be in possession of cocaine during his arrest.” Barber was booked into the Southern State Correctional Facility on unlawful trespass and cocaine possession charges.

    Pictured above, Barber apparently was wearing a Halloween costume when collared. As for the white powder near his nose, its source is unknown.

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    A Missouri woman arrested for trying to steal a $30 frying pan that she stuffed inside her already snug yoga pants is now a wanted woman.

    After Sierra Coleman failed to appear for a court hearing, a St. Louis judge signed an arrest warrant for the 29-year-old accused shoplifter. The warrant, signed earlier this year by a Circuit Court judge, was only docketed last week.

    Coleman is facing misdemeanor assault and theft charges in connection with the frying pan heist and her subsequent scuffle with Ikea employees.

    As seen in the above video, an onlooker recorded Coleman struggling with store security guards in the Ikea parking lot. The purloined pot’s handle stuck out from the back of Coleman’s gray stretchy pants, while the circular outline of the pan was visible to anyone with sight.

     “Is that a pot in the back of your pants?” the onlooker asked Coleman. When the filmmaker suggested that Coleman not fight with security (“Especially you got these people’s stuff in your pants”), she replied, “Okay. It’s $30.” Coleman also remarked that the frying pan theft was only a misdemeanor.

    Coleman, who told the Ikea guards she was pregnant, was originally released from jail after posting $500 cash bond. When she is eventually collared for failing to appear in court, Coleman will have to post $7500 to bond out, according to court records.


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    “I stabbed the fuck out of the snake because I hate snakes.”

    That was the explanation Timothy Wagner, 23, gave Florida police Sunday evening following his arrest for animal cruelty.

    Cops allege that Wagner entered his ex-girlfriend’s St. Petersburg home and removed a knife from the kitchen. He then walked into the living room and “took the lid off the snake’s cage.”

    Wagner, cops charge, then began “stabbing the snake multiple times.” A patrolman reported observing “multiple stab wounds to the snake’s head and body.”

    A criminal complaint does not indicate whether the reptile was killed.

    Pictured above, Wagner was arrested for animal cruelty. He was released yesterday from the county jail after posting $150 bond.

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    Meet Christopher Wilson.

    The 37-year-old Cincinnati, Ohio resident has been arrested for assaulting and groping a female victim. While the alleged incident occurred more than two years ago, Wilson was not collared until Friday evening.

    Wilson, locked up in the Hamilton County jail, is scheduled for a court appearance this afternoon on the two misdemeanor charges.

    There is no indication that Wilson has been employed in the adult film industry.