Buster

The latest McDonald’s cheeseburger attack comes from south Florida, where a cop has been accused of throwing fast food at his wife during a violent confrontation yesterday afternoon in their home.

Investigators allege that an “irate” Andres Perez, 34, and his spouse had been arguing about “financial and infidelity issues” when the lawman “stormed into the kitchen in [his wife’s] direction throwing a McDonald’s cheeseburger at her.”

The victim told police that Perez then struck her with a closed fist “to the right side of head behind ear” during the incident in their Miramar residence, according to an arrest report.

Perez and the woman have been in a relationship for about eight years and have been “married for three years total and do share kids in common.” Charged with misdemeanor battery, Perez was booked into the county jail, where the above mug shot was taken.

Perez, who bonded out of the Broward County jail today, is an officer with the Miami-Dade Police Department, which is headquartered about 25 miles south of Miramar.

Meet Anastazia Cretcher and Alexander Dillman.

Cretcher, 19, and Dillman, 26, were arrested after lifeguards reported seeing them having sex “in front of families and other beach goers” Monday afternoon in Daytona Beach, cops say.   

One lifeguard reported that Cretcher and Dillman had “intercourse for approximately 15 minutes” near his watch tower. The other lifeguard said that he “observed the male erect penis penetration the females’s vagina,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Cretcher and Dillman left the beach after being contacted by one of the lifeguards. The pair was busted after a sheriff’s deputy encountered them at the top of a nearby stairwell “in complete nudity.”

While Cretcher denied having sex on the sand, she reportedly said the pair “left the beach to find somewhere more private.”

Both Cretcher and Dillman were charged with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Volusia County jail (where they remain behind bars). Dillman was also charged with resisting arrest for allegedly refusing to get in a squad car.

Cretcher is facing an aggravated battery count for an earlier incident Monday during which she allegedly struck a female acquaintance with a metal beach umbrella tube. The victim told cops that Cretcher--who is known as “Molly”--had “acted belligerent and exposed herself to beachgoers all day.”

In May, Cretcher was arrested following a bloody altercation with a male friend at a Daytona Beach resort. The victim told cops that his relationship with Cretcher “has been of a sexual nature as they film adult videos together, however neither party views their relationship as dating.” The man claimed that Cretcher bit him in the groin and punched him in the head. While the bite “caused significant injury to his genitals,” the victim told police that he “did not believe it caused any permanent damage.”

Battery and aggravated assault charges were dropped when prosecutors declined to pursue a case against Cretcher, who recently moved to Florida from her family’s Ohio home.

An Oklahoma man is facing an indecent exposure charge after allegedly using AirDrop to send explicit photos of himself to employees at a real estate firm where he was applying for an apartment, court records show.

Police say Staijeck Helm, 23, earlier this month used the AirDrop feature on his phone to transmit photos of his “private parts and of himself naked in front of a mirror,” according to a probable cause filing.

Investigators described the alleged offense as “indecent exposure via digital means.”

Helm, seen at right, went to a Tulsa realtor to apply for an apartment, cops say. An employee of the firm told police that they directed Helm to “sit at a computer for the application process.”

While Helm was filling out the application, two workers received AirDrop notifications on their phones. “Curious as to what the contents were, they both accepted the AirDrop,” only to discover the naked selfies.

Helm was arrested and booked into the county jail on the felony count. He was later released on $2000 bond and is scheduled for arraignment on June 20.

It does not appear that Helm, who lives with his parents, got the desired apartment.

Here is a tip for perverts everywhere:

If you are planning to masturbate while watching a porno on your phone while at your apartment complex’s outdoor pool, do not connect your device to a Bluetooth speaker because amplified moaning will bring unwanted attention.

Florida police were summoned to The Palms of Clearwater development Sunday night after a witness reported seeing a man “pull his pants down” and “begin to masturbate to a pornographic video on his personal cell phone.”

Cops identified the accused masturbator as Christopher Harris, 51, a resident of The Palms, which describes itself as a “Mediterranean Oasis” only minutes from the Clearwater beaches.

Harris, police noted in an arrest affidavit, “also connected the video to a Bluetooth speaker and began playing the video out loud as he masturbated.” Multiple officers responding to a 911 call observed Harris pleasuring himself by the pool (seen below).

After being read his rights, Harris reportedly admitted to “playing with himself,” adding that when he is intoxicated he does “stupid things.”

Seen above, Harris was arrested for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor. He was released from the county jail Monday night on his own recognizance. Harris’s rap sheet includes convictions for criminal mischief and battery.

After being caught with a bag of heroin, a drug suspect told cops that his family “sent it to him from Guatemala and that he thought it was chili powder,” according to an arrest report.

Police say that Daniel Ascencio Barrera, 34, was pulled over Thursday evening as he drove in Clearwater, Florida. Ascencio Barrera was initially arrested for driving with a permanently revoked license.

During a subsequent search of Ascencio Barrera’s car, cops found a “large clear bag” containing a 29.7 gram mixture that field tested positive for heroin.

After being read his Miranda rights, Ascencio Barrera reportedly “stated that his family sent it to him from Guatemala and that he thought it was chili powder.”

Along with the driving count, Ascencio Barrera (seen above) was charged with a narcotics trafficking rap (the combined bond for the two felonies is $55,000). Ascencio Barrera is also facing a probation violation charge related to a prior DUI conviction. Additionally, a detainer has also been lodged by Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials against Ascencio Barrera, a Guatemalan native.

A Florida Man charged with indecent exposure offered cops a bizarre explanation as to why he was pleasuring himself in public, according to court records.

Officers were dispatched Sunday morning to a Speedway convenience store in Vero Beach after a 911 caller “advised there was a naked white male screaming at a white female on the side of the road.”

Upon arriving at the scene, officers encountered Jason Roach, with whom they were already familiar. The 40-year-old Roach, cops reported, had been questioned twice the prior evening in connection with alleged masturbation incidents at an Arby’s restaurant and a Wawa convenience store.

In both instances, Roach “stopped and went on his way,” according to a court filing. The third time, however, was not the charm.

A witness told police that Roach (seen above) “was naked and touching himself in the motion of masturbating” while near the Speedway around 6 AM.

When questioned about his activities, Roach reportedly said that he “was having issues with his rectum and in order to get rid of that pain he has to ejaculate.” If Roach offered anything further about his purported maladies, a cop did not include those gory details in an arrest affidavit.

Despite that compelling explanation, Roach was arrested for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Indian River county jail, where he is being held on $50,000 bond.

Roach, who is scheduled for a May 2 arraignment, has previously been convicted of battery; petty theft; violating a protective order; burglary; grand theft; filing false documents; and resisting police.