Buster

Upon discovering his boyfriend “humping” their dog, a Florida Man was beaten and threatened with a knife by his beau, police allege.

According to an arrest report, the 58-year-old victim told cops he caught John Miller, 33, engaged with the canine inside their home in Milton, a city outside Pensacola. Miller and the victim “have been dating for approximately five years, and live together,” cops reported.

The victim said that when he confronted Miller about the alleged November 11 dog humping, Miller began punching him in the head and body. A sheriff’s deputy noted that the victim had a fresh cut on his neck and red marks on his chest.

The victim’s 88-year-old mother, who owns the Milton home, said she witnessed Miller pummeling her son and destroying items in the residence. Miller’s boyfriend told cops that before Miller fled the home, he grabbed a knife and “threatened to stab and kill him.”

After Miller was subsequently located by police, he claimed that his boyfriend had “attacked him in the garage” with a “metal rod of some kind.” The attack, Miller claimed, began after he caught his boyfriend “looking at boys in their underwear on Instagram.”

Pictured above, Miller was arrested and booked into the Santa Rosa County jail on aggravated assault, domestic battery, and criminal mischief charges. He is being held in lieu of $7000 bond, and is scheduled to be arraigned on December 9.

There has been a domestic taco battery, Florida police report.

Braiden Lankford, 20, was arrested late Saturday evening for allegedly striking her mother in the head with two thrown tacos inside the family’s residence in the Tampa Bay area.

According to an arrest affidavit, Lankford and the 50-year-old victim were arguing about the “cleanliness of the house” when Lankford “became upset” and “threw two tacos from the dining room.”

The tacos struck the victim in the head as she was sitting on a couch. When cops arrived at the home in Largo, “the victim had food debris all around her on the couch and on the back of her shirt,” a police officer noted.

Cops say Lankford, seen at right, admitted to the taco tossing, but said she did it out of frustration and did not mean to strike her mother. Lankford’s mother was not injured by the airborne tacos, which are not further described in the affidavit.

Lankford was charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. She was released from custody yesterday morning on $100 bond. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with her mother.

After demanding that an interloper get off his sprawling lawn, a 90-year-old Florida Man twice punched a neighbor in the face, according to cops who arrested the rowdy nonagenarian for battery and resisting arrest.

Police say Thomas Conrad was busted Saturday afternoon following a dispute over a gardener cutting grass outside his home in Sorrento, a city 30 miles from Orlando.

Conrad’s next-door neighbor, Jack Henson, 46, told police that his “lawn guy was being yelled at by [Conrad] for being on his property while cutting the grass.” Conrad recalled telling the gardener to “get off his property,” according to an arrest affidavit.

After asking Conrad “numerous times” to leave them alone, Henson recalled, an “agitated and aggressive” Conrad declared, “I should punch you.” Henson said he replied, “Go ahead, but I wouldn’t advise or police will get called.”

Cops allege that Conrad (seen at right) then punched Henson twice in the face.

When police later arrived at Conrad’s residence--a $770,000, 3288-square-foot home in the gated RedTail Country Club Community--he was resting and did not want to be disturbed, his 89-year-old wife told deputies.

After his spouse convinced him to speak with cops, Conrad recalled telling the gardener to get off his lawn (pictured below). He claimed that Henson “told him to punch him in the face and at that time he punched him twice on the left side of his face.” Deputies then asked Conrad “if someone was to ask him to shoot them would he do it?” The retiree replied, “Then I would have shot him.”

Conrad, cops noted, “advised he did nothing wrong because the victim asked him to punch him in the face.”

When cops tried to explain that he had committed a battery, Conrad told them to “Get the fuck out of my house” and began to walk away. As deputies sought to take Conrad into custody, he allegedly balled up his fist and refused to place his hands behind his back. After being handcuffed, Conrad was booked into the county jail for battery and resisting police, both misdemeanors.

Conrad was freed from custody Saturday evening after posting $2000 bond. He is scheduled for arraignment on October 13 and a judge has ordered him to have no contact with Henson.

James Kertz needs to work on his photo composition.

The Missouri man, 38, sought this week to sell new catalytic converters via a post on Facebook Marketplace. As seen above, Kertz included a photo of the boxed auto parts up for sale.

What Kertz did not realize was the image (click to enlarge) also showed a large bag of methamphetamine and a syringe on a table in the photo’s background.

After a Facebook user tipped cops to the photo, investigators Wednesday searched Kertz’s residence in Reed Springs, a city outside Branson, and seized meth and a .38 caliber Taurus pistol (which he is barred from possessing due to prior felony convictions).

During police questioning, Kertz (pictured at right) said that he was unaware that the meth and syringe were in the Facebook photo.

Charged with drug trafficking and unlawful possession of a weapon, Kertz is locked up without bond in the Stone County jail. His rap sheet includes convictions for endangering the welfare of a child; narcotics distribution; property damage; narcotics possession; violating an order of protection; domestic assault; witness tampering; and resisting arrest.

A Florida Woman is accused of battering her boyfriend when he asked to cuddle with her in their bed, police report.

According to investigators, Kiesel Anthony, 45, was in bed with her boyfriend around 2 AM Wednesday when the 42-year-old victim “asked to cuddle with defendant and defendant said no.”

Anthony, cops allege, got mad at her boyfriend “for trying to cuddle,” and began yelling and screaming at him in their St. Petersburg home. After throwing a fan, Anthony “grabbed the pole from the fan and hit the victim in the back of the right leg, causing a visible injury.”

Pictured at right, Anthony was arrested for domestic battery and booked into the county jail. She is being held on $2500 bond and a judge has ordered her to have no contact with the victim.

In February, Anthony was charged with battering the same man. She subsequently entered into a deferred prosecution agreement requiring her to complete a 12-month domestic violence program (which included 29 weeks of counseling). Prosecutors have moved to revoke that agreement in light of Anthony’s September 22 arrest.

Anthony’s rap sheet includes prior convictions for welfare fraud; disorderly conduct; evidence tampering; criminal mischief; failure to appear in court; driving with a suspended or revoked license; and leaving the scene of an accident.