All Is Quiet On New Year’s Day. Except For That Pervert Masturbating Over There.

What kind of a guy spends New Year’s morning masturbating outside a stranger’s window because he feels “desperate” from being single for so long?

Meet Juan Miguel Cuadra.

The 35-year-old Floridian was arrested Saturday after Hollywood police found him staring into a woman’s apartment window “with his hand inside of his pants through the front zipper.”

Cuadra initially claimed that the woman inside was his ex-girlfriend “and he was just spying on her,” before changing his story to say she was a co-worker he wanted to date. He eventually confessed that he did not know her at all, but “hasn’t had a girlfriend for a while and was desperate and she helped him masturbate,” according to a Hollywood Police Department report excerpted here.

Cuadra, a hotel chef, was booked into the Broward County jail on indecent exposure, voyeurism, and loitering or charges. He was later released on $100 cash bond.