Bite Me: Hollywood Animals Attack

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Yes, reality bites. Often.

David Reames: America's tastiest zookeeper?

Put that gorilla in a Dodgers uniform!

Complain, complain, complain.

"All I see is butt all day!"

When Sharon Stone's husband had his unfortunate run-in with that surly Komodo dragon, TSG started wondering if other Los Angeles Zoo visitors (or employees) have been hurt by the talent. So we filed a Freedom of Information request seeking the last five years worth of zoo injury reports and patron complaint letters.

Turns out that while guests are rarely dinged, workers are frequently bitten, smacked, and stomped by their charges (several employees, in fact, have been hurt on more than one occasion). Here's an excerpt from a typical report, this one filed by animal keeper Jeanette Tonnies: "After tube feeding a scarlet ibis, the ibis jammed his beak up my right nostril, causing bleeding for about 20 min. and slightly throughout the day...Bird beaks are dirty, and he jammed it way up into my nostril--I was afraid of infection or sinus injury." Tonnies, records show, has had three similar unpleasant zoo experiences: she's been bitten by a fox, "backhanded" by an escaping gorilla, and had a tamarin chomp on her head.

What follows is a selection of employee injury reports, including a quintet filed by one unlucky animal keeper. We've also included a variety of patron complaint letters that touch on everything from rambunctious gorillas to a dingo deficiency. Who knew that a day at the zoo could be so stressful?

Yes, reality bites. Often. (7 pages)

David Reames: America's tastiest zookeeper? (5 pages)

Put that gorilla in a Dodgers uniform! (2 pages)

Complain, complain, complain. (5 pages)

"All I see is butt all day!" (3 pages)