Buster

An accused auto burglar told cops that he broke into a vehicle so that he could “see his imaginary girlfriend Emma,” with whom he visits while “tripping on meth,” according to a Florida police report.

Matthew Huber, 43, was arrested Tuesday evening after witnesses spotted him attempting to burglarize a Nissan truck parked outside a Walmart in Vero Beach.

During police questioning, Huber reportedly admitted to opening the vehicle’s tailgate and “looking for something to take.” Huber, seen above, explained that he intended to then “sell those things for some meth, so he can see Emma.”

Pictured above, Huber explained to cops that he was “attempting to get in the vehicle to see his imaginary girlfriend Emma,” adding that he only sees Emma “when he’s tripping on meth.”

Huber was arrested for burglary and carrying a concealed weapon--a butterfly knife--during the commission of a criminal offense. He is locked up on $10,000 bond on the two felony counts. Huber’s rap sheet includes convictions for grand theft, robbery, narcotics possession, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

After being found in possession of a pair of “glass smoking pipes” and a “clear crystal substance in drug packaging,” a Missouri man told police that the items were intended for “medicinal methamphetamine usage,” according to criminal complaints.

Matthew Cusumano, 46, was stopped around 2:45 AM Friday by cops who spotted him riding a bicycle without lights in Madeira Beach, Florida. A records check revealed that Cusumano was wanted on a fugitive warrant issued in June after he failed to appear in a Missouri court on a felony drug charge.

After Cusumano, seen at right, was taken into custody on the out-of-state warrant, police searched him and found two drug pipes and 10.01 grams of a crystal substance that Cusumano reportedly identified as methamphetamine.

Cusumano, a sheriff’s deputy reported, claimed that the confiscated items were for “medicinal methamphetamine usage.”

Despite that explanation, Cusumano was charged with narcotics possession and possession of drug paraphernalia. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail on those two counts as well as the Missouri fugitive warrant.

When shoplifting, it is best to wear nondescript clothing so as to make as little an impression as possible on any prospective witnesses.

Which is to say you should not don a Rob Gronkowski football jersey when boosting watches from a Walmart in the Tampa Bay area.

Police charge that Joel Lewis, 41, swiped two watches (worth $39.76) from a Walmart in Largo on Saturday afternoon. A store employee provided cops with a description of the suspect “to include the ‘Gronkowski’ jersey he was wearing.”

Lewis, who was hiding in a bush near Walmart, was apprehended within minutes of the theft. Still in his Gronkowski jersey, Lewis was collared after a short foot chase. He reportedly confessed to stealing the watches and “apologized for his actions,” according to a court filing.

Lewis, charged with theft and resisting, is being held in the Pinellas County jail on $2150 bond. At the time of his arrest, Lewis was free on $2500 bond in a pending felony battery case (he was arrested on September 20 for allegedly striking his girlfriend during an argument). Lewis’s lengthy rap sheet includes multiple felony convictions and state prison terms.

After nine seasons (and three NFL titles) with the New England Patriots, Gronkowski last year joined up with Tom Brady on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The 32-year-old tight end (and the 63-year-old quarterback) won another ring in Febnruary when the Buccaneers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl 55.

What is the point of wearing Gucci if nobody knows you are wearing Gucci?

Wilfride Cesar, 24, was arrested early Monday following a traffic stop in Florida (a trooper clocked his Mercedes going 103 mph). A subsequent search of the vehicle yielded an assortment of packaged marijuana, a scale, and $4339 in cash.

Cesar and his passenger were arrested on multiple drug charges, including possession with intent to sell. He was booked into the Orange County jail, where the above photo was taken.

Cesar was subsequently freed on $5100 bond.

A Florida Man who told police that his Donald Trump flag was stolen from his front yard also reported discovering a handwritten message in his mailbox “referencing Antifa” that warned “we are here” and “we are watching.”

Mark Mazzarella, 69, called cops Friday morning to report the flag theft, which occurred the prior evening, according to a police report. Mazzarella, a registered Republican, lives on a quiet Vero Beach street.

Upon discovering his flag missing, Mazzarella found a sheet of paper mentioning Antifa and the purported monitoring of his residence by members of the shadowy organization that does not exist.

The flag pilfering probe is inactive since “there was no tangible evidence left at the scene and there were no close by cameras that could have assisted the investigation.”

The note--which police took from Mazzarella--did not seem to be the product of some menacing, black-clad militants. “The handwriting,” cops noted, “appears to be that of a child.”

A Florida Woman is behind bars after allegedly attacking her husband with a plate of spaghetti in a domestic pasta battery that left the victim “covered in meat sauce.”

Investigators charge that Melissa Daigle, 44, was intoxicated last night during a family discussion that turned violent when she “threw her dinner, a plate of spaghetti” at her spouse.

The spaghetti struck the torso and lap of Daigle’s husband. “The victim was not injured, just covered in meat sauce,” reported a sheriff’s deputy who responded to the couple’s Largo home.

Daigle was arrested for domestic battery and booked into the county jail. During a court appearance this morning, a judge barred Daigle from having any contact with her husband and ordered her to be outfitted with an alcohol monitoring device.

Daigle and the victim have been married for 20 years and the September 1 confrontation occurred in front of the couple’s adult children, cops say.

Daigle, who works at a Largo bar, was arrested in May for allegedly spitting on her husband and striking him in the face with her car keys during a 1 AM confrontation in their residence. Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue charges against Daigle.

Last month, police found a Florida couple “covered in spaghetti” following a 1 AM argument in their Clearwater home. While the combatants were each arrested for domestic battery, prosecutors this week declined to pursue charges against the duo.