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    A Florida Woman placed plastic Easter eggs stuffed with pornographic images and other items in the mailboxes of scores of homeowners, according to cops who say they collared the “deranged offender” last night.

    Investigators allege that Abril Cestoni, 42, delivered the X-rated material over the past several days, resulting in her arrest on 11 counts of distributing obscene items.

    Cestoni, who said she works at a Publix supermarket, is being held in the Flagler County jail in lieu of $13,000 bond.

    A charging affidavit alleges that Cestoni, seen above, stuffed mailboxes with Easter eggs and a pamphlet containing “incoherent rants about local religious clergy” and “multiple pornographic images.”

    One orange Easter egg, cops say, contained “1 goldfish cracker, 1 strawberry drink mix, 1 piece of toilet paper, and 2 pornographic images.”

    After a homeowner last night called 911 to report a suspicious person placing something in her mailbox, cops pulled over Cestoni’s car. Upon being read her rights, Cestoni reportedly admitted to distributing the plastic eggs and the pamphlets. Acknowledging she had distributed obscene material, Cestoni claimed she included the images “because homosexuals are allowed to teach in the church.”

    Pictured above, Cestoni said she did not have “symptoms related to COVID-19” and was “not attempting to spread the virus by delivering her pamphlets.”

    In addition to the obscene material counts, Cestoni was also charged with driving with a suspended license and violating a state order barring travel not related to essential activities.

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    After being told of a limit on the number of Lysol cans she could purchase, a Walmart customer sprayed a worker in the eyes with the disinfectant, according to Massachusetts police who are seeking the public’s help in identifying the alleged assailant.

    The March 27 attack occurred at a Walmart Supercenter in Leicester, a town outside Worcester.

    In a bid to collar the woman, police released the adjacent surveillance photo of the suspect, who appears to have departed Walmart in an Uber after she was somehow able to complete her purchase.

    The Walmart employee was treated by EMS workers summoned to the store following the Lysol attack.

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    After a Dollar Tree cashier chided him for cutting the checkout line and failing to "respect the current social distancing rules," a Florida Man began striking the female employee, according to cops who arrested the unruly customer on a felony battery charge.

    Police say that Stephan Fanelli, 55, was at the discount store Friday afternoon when he got into an argument with Nyashata Chajani. An arrest affidavit states that the dispute was prompted when Fanelli “skipped the line at the cashier and placed his items in front of other customer items.”

    When Chajani asked Fanelli to return to the rear of the line, he reportedly became irate. Chajani, cops say, also “requested for the defendant to respect the current social distancing rules, in which he was not practicing.”

    When Chajani then attempted to move Fanelli’s items from the checkout line, Fanelli “began striking the victim.” With both arms, he pushed Chajani “in the chest, both arms, and hands.”

    An officer noted that a review of surveillance video showed Fanelli “strike the victim in the arm.” Additionally, a witness told police that she saw Fanelli push the Dollar Tree worker “multiple times.”

    Seen above, Fanelli is locked up in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $2500 bond. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with Chajani.

    Fanelli’s rap sheet includes convictions for trespassing, disorderly intoxication, criminal mischief, and battery.

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    A 99-year-old New Jersey man has been charged with violating the state’s coronavirus emergency regulations, according to police who this afternoon broke up an engagement party attended by the nonagenarian and his relatives.

    Responding to a 4:30 PM call about an illegal social gathering, cops found party attendees on the front lawn of the Lakewood residence of Yaakov Kaufman, 47, and Eti Kaufman, 45. The Kaufmans, who were hosting the engagement party, also had guests inside their home.

    The Kaufman residence is pictured above.

    In addition to being charged with violating a recent executive order barring such gatherings, the Kaufmans were also each hit with a half-dozen child endangerment counts since the couple’s six minor children were at the party.

    Among the eight other adults charged with violating the emergency declaration was Michael Zimmerman, a 99-year-old resident of Lakewood, a south Jersey township.

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    Meet Robert Eugene Heffner.

    The 26-year-old North Carolina nitwit is behind bars after being arrested for allegedly coughing at a Walmart shopper and then declaring that he had the coronavirus, police say.

    Heffner was at a Walmart near his home in Belmont, a city 15 miles west of Charlotte, when he “purposely coughed at a customer” and claimed to be infected with COVID-19.

    After police were contacted about Heffner’s antics, he was arrested Friday evening on a misdemeanor public health charge since his “action could create fear in the customer and the public at large,” according to an arrest warrant.

    Heffner, who has not exhibited any coronavirus symptoms, appears to have been playing a prank on the Walmart shopper.

    Pictured above, Heffner is being held in the Gaston County jail.

    According to court and prison records, Heffner is a convicted felon who is serving a two-year probation sentence for a 2019 conviction for breaking and entering in automobiles. His rap sheet also includes collars for marijuana possession and probation violation.

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    Fearful of catching the coronavirus, a 75-year-old man pointed a handgun at two women wearing face masks and gloves during an encounter at a post office in Georgia, police charge.

    According to cops, Harvey Taratoot was in the post office Sunday when he confronted the victims. Taratoot yelled at the duo--a grandmother and her 18-year-old granddaughter--“to get back.”

    The women, who were not hurt during the incident, told police that they were “wearing medical masks and gloves when they entered the post office” in Alpharetta, a city 25 miles north of Atlanta. Upon walking into the post office, they were immediately met by the gun-toting Taratoot, police say.

    After threatening the women, Taratoot fled the post office, but not before apologizing to the victims and advising them to avoid touching the post office’s door. As Taratoot drove away, one of the women photographed his license plate. He was subsequently arrested at his Alpharetta home, where officers found him with a holstered firearm.

    During an interview with police, Taratoot confessed that he pointed his gun at the women due to his fear of catching the coronavirus.

    Pictured above, Taratoot was arrested on a felony weapons charge and booked into the Fulton County jail. The septuagenarian was released from custody Monday on $1500 bond.

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    A man arrested Saturday for auto theft claimed the coronavirus made him do it, cops say.

    According to investigators, Alvin Rementer, 70, in late-January pawned his 2000 Chevrolet Silverado for $1500 at Pawn Depot in St. Petersburg, Florida.

    Since turning over title to his wheels, Rementer has returned to the shop several times to “make statements of not possibly being able to pay for the pawn payment,” an arrest affidavit states.

    While the pawn shop manager was “willing to work with him,” cops say, Rementer allegedly took matters into his own hand around 7 AM Saturday. Using a spare key, Rementer drove the truck away from the pawn shop (where it apparently was parked outside the business).

    After the car was reported stolen, a cop spotted the vehicle and conducted a traffic stop. Rementer, who was driving the Chevy, reportedly confessed to stealing the vehicle, adding that he “freaked out over the ‘corona’ and the overall situation.”

    Rementer, cops report, acknowledged that what he did was wrong and that he “could have handled getting his vehicle back in a different way.”

    Charged with grand theft auto, a felony, Rementer is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $2500 bond.

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    A toilet paper heist was thwarted yesterday by an alert hotel security guard, according to Florida cops who arrested the alleged TP thief on a felony charge.

    According to investigators, a guard at a Marriott hotel in Orlando was patrolling around 1:30 AM Thursday when he spotted a man “pushing a trash can toward his Honda van.” When the suspect reached the vehicle, he removed a bag from the can and placed it inside his auto.

    Finding the man’s actions suspicious, the guard peaked through the van’s window and “noticed the bag was full of unused toilet paper rolls that belonged to the hotel.”

    When the man--later identified as Angel Hernandezcinto, 31--returned to the van, the guard confronted him and “Angel admitted to taking the toilet paper.” The bag, cops say, contained 66 rolls of toilet paper valued at 99 cents apiece.

    After receiving a 911 call about “a man stealing toilet paper,” cops arrived at the Marriott and questioned Hernandezcinto, seen above. The suspect, who is a Guatemalan citizen, claimed that he “knew a lady who was poor and had no job and was only taking the toilet paper to help her and her family.”

    Hernandezcinto, who works for a company that provides cleaning services to the Marriott, confessed and “apologized for his actions,” police reported.

    Hernandezcinto, who initially provided cops with a fake name, was arrested for theft from a public lodging establishment, a felony. The Orlando resident was booked into the Orange County jail, from which he was released yesterday on $2500 bond.

    The 66 rolls of toilet paper were photographed by cops, but not booked into evidence. “The toilet paper rolls were released back to the hotel,” police say.

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    Despite warnings about “social distancing,” a couple decided to have sex in public outside a Florida hospital, according to cops who busted the duo on a pair of criminal charges.

    As detailed in arrest affidavits, Ann Marie Tucker, 45, and Albert Singletary, 37, were “found to be exposing sexual organs in plain view of the public” across from St. Anthony’s Hospital in St. Petersburg.

    The pair were flattening the curve one evening “in close proximity to a no trespassing sign,” police report. Singletary’s “penis, testicles, and buttocks were displayed within view” of nearby citizens, while Tucker’s vagina was also on view earlier this month.

    Tucker and Singletary are seen in the above mug shots (Tucker lowered her  surgical mask before the photo was snapped). They were each charged with trespassing and exposure of sexual organs, both misdemeanors.

    According to court records, Tucker pleaded guilty to both counts and was sentenced to 10 days in the county jail. Singletary, who has been in custody since his arrest, is being held in lieu of $300 bond. There has not been a disposition in his case.

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    A victim was struck in the head with a thrown McDonald’s McDouble burger during a domestic disturbance last night, Florida police report.

    Cops allege that Tyler Hardeman “engaged in a verbal argument with the victim” at a residence in Holiday, a Tampa suburb. During the 9:45 PM squabble, the 23-year-old Hardeman first “threw a McDouble (hamburger) at the defendant’s head,” a complaint affidavit reports.

    The McDouble hit the victim in the left ear, but did not cause injury.

    Hardeman also allegedly threw a vaping device, striking the victim in the left knee, causing “redness and lacerations.” When the victim sought to run from Hardeman, cops say, he grabbed the victim’s shirt, “which resulted in the shirt being ripped off the victim.”

    The victim’s name was redacted from the affidavit by police.

    Hardeman, seen above, was arrested for domestic aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Hardeman, who works as a packer at a liquor store, was booked into the Pasco County jail on the felony count.

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    Alex Jones, the unhinged conspiracy theorist behind InfoWars, was arrested early this morning for drunk driving near his Texas home.

    The 46-year-old Jones was collared on a misdemeanor DWI charge around 12:30 AM, according to police. Jones spent about four hours in custody before bonding out of the Travis County jail in Austin just after 4 AM.

    Jones revealed his bust during an InfoWars broadcast today, claiming that his blood alcohol content registered below the legal limit of .08 when he took a breath test.

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    Meet Brian Baer.

    Angered that another man referred to him as “Drew Carey,” the 34-year-old North Carolinan allegedly punched the victim in the face, triggering his arrest for battery early yesterday morning.

    Police say Baer walloped Casey Simons after leaving a bar in St. Pete Beach, Florida. Baer told cops that “the victim called him Drew Carey which made him mad and he struck the victim once in the face.”

    The confrontation left Simons with a cut lip. Simons also suffered “scratches on his right knee from being tackled onto the ground” outside Jimmy B’s Beach Bar at The Beachcomber resort.   

    Baer was charged with battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. Baer, who lives in Fuquay-Varina, a town outside Raleigh, was released on $500 bond after about eight hours in custody.

    An arrest report does not indicate whether Baer and Simons know one another, though it does note that there was an “indication of alcohol influence” in connection with the incident. Which occurred outside a bar. At 1:40 AM.

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    A Florida Woman told police that her Mercedes-Benz was vandalized in a Walmart parking lot due to an anti-Donald Trump bumper sticker, according to an incident report.

    Kimberly Underwood-Solarte, 59, reported that she discovered an “8-inch deep scratch on the rear of the vehicle that was not there before” when she returned to the car Sunday after spending about an hour inside a Walmart near her Sarasota residence.

    “The victim believes this was due to having a ‘I hate TRUMP’ sticker on her vehicle,” a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy reported. The report notes that the “estimated repair cost is unknown and thought to be under $1000.”

    The bumper magnet on the Mercedes did not read “I hate Trump,” said Underwood-Solarte, who told TSG that she has dozens of 3” x 11” political stickers that she rotates on her vehicle. Underwood-Solarte’s collection includes stickers declaring “There’s a psychopath in the White House,” “Blue Wave,” and “There’s a dangerous thin-skinned narcissist in the White House.”

    Cops, who have classified the auto vandalism as an incident of criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, noted that it is “unknown if Walmart has footage of this incident.”