Buster

A passenger who arrived in New York City on a flight from Guyana had 70 live birds hidden in a piece of luggage, according to federal agents.

The smuggling attempt was thwarted Saturday when U. S. Customs and Border Protection agents inspected a black duffel bag being carried by a traveler who flew from Georgetown to John F. Kennedy International Airport.

The traveler, a Guyanese citizen, was not arrested. Instead, he was not allowed entry into the U.S. and was returned to his home country.

Agents found the finches stuffed inside individual plastic hair curlers. The birds are often used in “singing contests” popular among Caribbean immigrants. The smuggling of finches from Guyana has previously resulted in the arrest of multiple travelers.

The seized finches were quarantined and subsequently turned over to Department of Agriculture officials.

The self-described "World's Dumbest Criminal" pleaded guilty today to stealing a lawnmower and a weed trimmer from a Walmart in Florida, court records show.

Michael Taber, 46, signed a plea agreement copping to a grand theft charge during an appearance in Circuit Court in Nassau County.

Taber was arrested in late-April after he wheeled a shopping cart out of Walmart without paying for a $258 Snapper lawnmower and a $148 Murray weed trimmer. After driving away with the stolen goods, Taber was pulled over and arrested by a sheriff’s deputy.

Seen above, Taber told the cop he planned to pawn the items, adding that “pain makes you do stupid things.” Taber claimed that he needed to shoplift in order to afford his medications. “Mr. Taber also said he is ‘the world’s dumbest criminal,’” a deputy reported.

Taber, a Jacksonville resident, was booked this morning into the Nassau County jail following his plea. Online court records do not indicate whether Taber was sentenced upon entering his plea.

Taber has recently been working at Willard’s BBQ in Jacksonville. In a character reference letter to the court, the eatery’s owner noted that Taber “takes his job serious and does it quite well.”

Taber’s rap sheet includes a 2005 grand theft conviction for which he spent 15 months in state prison.

A Florida Man arranged to receive oral sex from an undercover female cop “in exchange for a hamburger,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Frank Caponi, 57, was collared Saturday afternoon after allegedly striking the burger-for-sex arrangement with a St. Petersburg cop. The affidavit does not indicate whether Caponi possessed the hamburger or was prepared to procure one pre-fellatio.

When questioned by arresting officers, Caponi reportedly acknowledged that “he and the female spoke of sex.”

Charged with a misdemeanor prostitution count, Caponi was booked into the county jail (from which he bonded out Saturday evening after posting $250).

Caponi’s rap sheet includes convictions for grand theft and battery on a law enforcement officer. Cops noted that Caponi, who operates an auto body shop, has a Death Before Dishonor tattoo on his right arm and a grim reaper inked on his forearm.

A Florida Man upset that his baked potato was undercooked allegedly stabbed a woman in the head with a fork in a domestic spud rage incident early this morning, cops report.

Kenneth Crumpton, 36, was busted today on a felony aggravated battery with a weapon charge in connection with the 12:30 AM attack inside a Jacksonville-area residence. Crumpton, seen at right, is being held in the Nassau County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.

Investigators charge that Crumpton, displeased with the preparation of his potato, repeatedly stabbed the victim in the head with a fork. Police noted that blood was visible on the woman’s head, and that she had suffered multiple stab wounds.

During questioning, Crumpton told cops that he did not stab the woman. Instead, he claimed to have thrown the fork, which "glanced off her head."   

The woman was not seriously injured and declined a police offer of medical assistance, according to an arrest report. Deputies seized the fork used in the attack and a bloody shirt as evidence.

An intoxicated Florida Woman plucked a live lobster from a tank at a Red Lobster and bolted from the St. Petersburg restaurant with the purloined crustacean, according to police.

Kimberly Gabel, 42, was drunk and “causing a scene” Saturday at the eatery, prompting a manager to ask her to leave “for disturbing other customers.”

Gabel, pictured at right, was cursing as she headed to the Red Lobster’s front door, an arrest affidavit notes. But before departing, Gabel “proceeded to reach into a water tank containing live lobster, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant.”

Responding to a 911 call about the lobster heist, a sheriff’s deputy located Gabel, who smelled of booze and was slurring her word. Continuing to curse, Gabel denied knowledge of the pilfered lobster’s whereabouts. Gabel explained that since she was “blacked out drunk,” she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong” at Red Lobster (seen below).

Busted for disorderly intoxication, Gabel was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count. She was subsequently released on $100 bond.

Gabel’s lengthy rap sheet includes arrests for trespass; theft, drug possession; loitering; burglary; carrying an open container of alcohol; exposure of sexual organs; violating probation; domestic battery; defrauding an innkeeper; disorderly intoxication; drunk driving; and resisting an officer.

Jailers have noted that Gabel has tattoos on her back of “Dragon and Koi fish.”

An Indiana man yesterday contacted police to lodge a complaint about his crack dealer, records show.

According to an Evansville Police Department report, Kenneth Dewayne Woods, 62, came to the police records department and disclosed that he “bought some crack cocaine over a period of time on credit” from a female dealer and her boyfriend.

Woods told police that he has not paid the duo the $400 he owes for the crack cocaine.

In light of his unpaid narcotics bill, Woods said, his dealers are now threatening to run him out of town, vandalize his car, and shoot him. Additionally, owing to interest, the dealers now contend that they are owed $500, said Woods.

Woods said the assorted threats occurred earlier this month.