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    Despite being tailed by a squad car with its lights flashing, a motorist told cops that he did not immediately pull over after running a red light because his “pants were down” and he was “receiving sexual acts” from his female passenger, according to an arrest affidavit.

    David Herring was behind the wheel of a Ford F-150 truck last Tuesday evening when he went through a red light at an intersection in Fort Pierce, Florida. Police detectives spotted the traffic infraction and activated their car’s emergency lights.

    Herring, who did not immediately pull over, later told police that “it took him so long to stop the vehicle and his pants were down because he was receiving sexual acts from Rhonda while he was driving.”

    The Rhonda in question was Rhonda Koppenhoefer, 55, who had a Bud Light bottle between her legs and a crack pipe and crack rocks at her feet. The 4’ 11”, 90-pound Koppenhoefer is pictured above.

    While Koppenhoefer denied ownership of the pipe, Herring said she dropped it when police sought to pull over the vehicle. Koppenhoefer subsequently admitted purchasing the cocaine found in the truck, police reported.

    When a detective first contacted Koppenhoefer, he “observed something white rolling around in her mouth.” The report does not indicate whether the item was a crack rock or another substance.

    Koppenhoefer was arrested for cocaine possession, tampering with evidence, and possession or use of drug equipment, all felonies. She is locked up in lieu of $35,000 bond. Koppenhoefer’s rap sheet includes multiple convictions for prostitution, as well as convictions for burglary, narcotics possession, dealing in stolen property, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

    Court records do not reflect any traffic charges being filed against Herring, so it appears the Fort Pierce man has gotten off.

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    An Oregon man who staged a home invasion robbery confessed that he fabricated the story as a way of covering up his theft of $700 in Girl Scouts cookie proceeds, money he used to pay for an erotic massage.

    Brian David Couture, 40, was sentenced yesterday to perform 80 hours of community service and placed on 18 months probation. He was also ordered to pay restitution in connection with his conviction for filing a false police report.

    In a plea deal, two other misdemeanor charges--criminal mischief and improper use of the 911 system--were dismissed.

    In early-March, Couture called police to his suburban Portland home and claimed that he was attacked by a male intruder who damaged a work laptop and took $700 that had been stored in a jar. The money was the proceeds from Girl Scouts cookies sold by Couture’s daughter.

    In short order, Couture confessed to skeptical cops that his story was untrue, and admitted that he swiped the cookie proceeds, some of which he used to pay for an erotic massage. Couture faked the robbery since he would be unable to explain the missing cookie money.

    Seen above, Couture works as a claims representative for Farmers Insurance.

    Four days after Couture’s March 18 arrest, his wife Emily filed for legal separation, according to court records. Couture now resides in an apartment two miles from his former residence.

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    Eight Ohio middle school students could face felony assault charges for allegedly putting bodily fluids in crepes that were consumed by teachers, according to police who say that the young suspects recorded their acts and shared the video with fellow classmates.

    The suspects are all 14 years old, with the exception of one student who recently turned 15, a police spokesperson said.         

    Investigators say the May 16 incident occurred at Hyatts Middle School in Powell, a city 15 miles north of Columbus.

    As part of a “Global Gourmet” home economics class, students competed in a cooking competition that was judged by teachers. It was during the food preparation that the suspects reportedly placed urine and semen into crepes (which were later consumed by several adult victims).

    Lab tests are being conducted to determine whether, in fact, bodily fluids were added to the crepes (or whether the teenage suspects engaged in a prank that made it seem like the food was adulterated).

    It was only after the crepes had been eaten that school employees learned of a troubling video that was circulating among students. The clip appeared to show bodily fluids being added to the crepes.

    A school resource officer was apprised of the video, prompting a criminal investigation by the Delaware County Sheriff’s Office. No arrests or charges have been filed in connection with the crepe caper.

    The teenage suspects could face assorted felony charges, including assault with a bodily substance. Last Thursday’s home ec incident occurred exactly one week before the close of school.

    In a statement, school administrators said that the “safety and security of our students and staff is of utmost importance,” and that “anyone found in violation of school policies will be held accountable for their actions.”

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    A female defendant accused of introducing contraband into a Florida jail told investigators that she simply forgot about the stash of sedatives nestled between her breasts, according to a police report.

    Rachel Newbury, 51, was busted Friday evening on a warrant charging her with violating terms of a probation sentence she received earlier this year in connection with convictions for theft, battery, larceny, and fraud.

    A post-arrest pat down located no contraband on Newbury, who reportedly was warned that the introduction of prohibited items into the Pasco County jail would result in a felony charge.

    It was after Newbury arrived at the Land O’ Lakes lockup that jailers located 13 Clonazepam pills "between the defendant’s breasts.” Asked about the sedatives, Newbury, seen above, replied that “she forgot she had them.” Newbury added that the pills, for which she did not have a prescription, “belonged to her husband.”

    Newbury was charged with illegal possession of a controlled substance and introducing narcotics into a detention facility, both felonies. She is locked up in lieu of $12,150 bond.

    The smuggling of narcotics into the Pasco County jail has been of increased concern since a male inmate died earlier this year of a drug overdose and several other inmates overdosed on methamphetamine that somehow got into the facility.

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    Meet Juliana Cote.

    The 26-year-old Floridian was arrested early this morning and charged with making a written threat to conduct a mass shooting, a felony for which she has been jailed in lieu of $7500 bond.

    Cote was arrested at her Tampa home at 4:50 AM, hours after allegedly writing on her Facebook page that she was “heading to the nearest elementary school now. To shoot everyone. Then myself if im fast enough. GUN POWER!!!!”

    The post, which describes Cote as a “unipolar manic autistic,” is accompanied by a photo of a tiny gun (though it is unclear that it is an actual weapon, as opposed to a toy or a piece of jewelry).

    The Facebook post is seen below.

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    A nude man found playing basketball last night in a Florida park told police that “he feels playing naked enhances his skill level,” according to an arrest report detailing the hoopster's bust for indecent exposure.

    Responding to a call about a “white male who was not wearing clothing” inside Candyland Park in Longwood, an Orlando suburb, a patrolman discovered Jordon Anderson, 29, shooting hoops while unencumbered by any clothing.

    When Officer William Humphries asked Anderson what he was doing, the suspect “stated he was working on his basketball skills and he feels playing naked enhances his skill level.” Anderson, the report notes, “was asked to put his clothing on and he complied.”

    A park employee had initially spotted Anderson (seen at right) balling sans clothes and dialed 911.

    Since Anderson was in public “exposing his sexual organs,” he was charged with indecent exposure and booked into the Seminole County jail on the misdemeanor charge. He is locked up in lieu of $500 bond.

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    Four days after a Florida Man was arrested for having an “I Eat Ass” sticker on the rear window of his truck, prosecutors have dropped a pair of misdemeanor charges filed against the 23-year-old motorist.

    The decision by the Columbia County State Attorney’s Office came after Sunday’s arrest of Dillon Shane Webb received widespread media coverage (and a fair amount of mockery).

    In a one-page "no information" filing today, prosecutors informed the court that they were dropping the case against Webb, who was free on $2500 bond following his May 5 collar for possession of obscene material and resisting an officer without violence.

    A prosecutor noted that an evaluation of the evidence “through the prism of Supreme Court precedent” determined that Webb “has a valid defense to be raised under the First Amendment of our United States Constitution. Given such, a jury would not convict under these facts.”

    Webb was pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy who spotted the “I Eat Ass” sticker (seen above) on the rear window of Webb’s Chevrolet truck. The cop contended that the sticker violated the state’s obscene material statute and asked Webb how “a parent of a small child would explain the meaning of the words 'I EAT ASS.’”

    The deputy then asked Webb, seen at right, to alter the sticker so that it would “no longer be derogatory.” When Webb declined the request on First Amendment grounds, he was handcuffed and placed in the rear of a squad car.

    Webb, who purchased the Chevy last month, told TSG that the sticker had only received positive comments and generated laughs in his Lake City neighborhood.

    Webb, who has no prior arrest record, works in the warehouse of a large grocery chain. As a result of the arrest, he said, his employer had temporarily suspended him.

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    After breaking up with her girlfriend this week, a Florida teenager posted several sexually explicit photos of her ex on Instagram, resulting in her arrest yesterday for cyberharassment.

    According to investigators, after Mariah Tillery, 18, and the victim broke up on Monday, Tillery uploaded “sexually explicit and private nude pictures of the victim.” Tillery “posted the pictures which display the victim’s nude body, and sexual acts in progress on Instagram to humiliate the victim,” a complaint affidavit alleges.

    The images, posted to Tillery’s Instagram account, “contain the victim’s personal, easily identifiable tattoos,” an investigator noted.

    Tillery, seen in the above Facebook photo and the below mug shot, was arrested Wednesday evening at a Tampa-area residence. She refused to answer police questions and was booked into the county jail on a misdemeanor sexual cyberharassment charge. A judge subsequently released Tillery on her own recognizance and ordered the teenager to have no contact with her former girlfriend.

    Tillery is a student at Steinbrenner High School, which was named after the late New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, who lived in Tampa.

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    5/9 UPDATE: Charges dropped against "I Eat Ass" man

    A Florida Man landed behind bars Sunday after he refused to remove an “I Eat Ass” sticker from the rear window of his new truck, according to an arrest report.

    Dillon Shane Webb, 23, was driving near his home in Lake City when a cop spotted the sticker and pulled over Webb’s Chevrolet extended cab pickup.

    The Columbia County Sheriff’s Office deputy contended that the sticker violated the state’s obscene material statute, and asked Webb how “a parent of a small child would explain the meaning of the words 'I EAT ASS.'"

    After issuing Webb a notice to appear ticket, the deputy asked him to alter the sticker so that it would “no longer be derogatory.” Webb declined the request, citing First Amendment speech protections.

    The deputy then took Webb into custody on a charge of resisting an officer without violence, a misdemeanor. He was also charged with possession of obscene material, also a misdemeanor.

    After handcuffing Webb and placing him in the back of a squad car, the cop called for a tow truck, which subsequently removed Webb's truck from the scene.

    Pictured above, Webb was released from the county jail Sunday evening after posting $2500 bond. He is scheduled for arraignment on May 21.

    According to his Facebook page, Webb purchased the Chevy (seen below) last month. A Lake City native, Webb has no prior arrest record, and works in the warehouse of a large chain grocery store.

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    Angry that a 41-year-old associate had violated rules, members of the Crazy White Boys gang forcibly inked over the victim’s “CWB” tattoo and attempted to permanently add a racial slur on the Florida Man’s neck.

    But the nitwit gang members misspelled the slur and have now been charged with multiple felonies for their moronic mission, a gambit for which they now likely have deep regerts.

    After barging into victim Michael Hart’s residence in late-January, the intruders used a tattoo gun to “color over” his “gang patch.” As described in an arrest affidavit, a “box was outlined around the letters ‘CWB’ and then scribbled all in, in an attempt to color over the entire tattoo.”

    The gang members--led by one Brett “Wolf” Singleton--then sought to add a racial slur to Hart’s body.

    But what they ended up tattooing on the victim was the phrase "Fuck Niger."

    Hart is seen above in a mug shot taken after the tattoo attack. While the “CWB” has clearly been colored over, it is hard to discern the “Fuck Niger” ink.

    Hart was photographed in mid-March after beginning a four-year state prison sentence for methamphetamine possession. He previously served state time for grand theft.

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    The Florida Woman arrested for clobbering her mate in the face with a pork chop will not be prosecuted after the victim declined to press charges, noting that the couple was “planning our wedding.”

    Jennifer Brassard, 48, was arrested for domestic battery in February after she threw a frozen pork chop at Richard Nicewicz, 54. The airborne meat struck Nicewicz above his left eyebrow, causing a half-inch laceration, according to a complaint affidavit.

    Seen at right, Brassard was arrested in the couple’s Tampa-area home, which Nicewicz fled after getting hit with the pork chop.

    Nicewicz eventually had second thoughts about Brassard’s prosecution, telling the State Attorney’s office that he did not want her to face trial.

    In a handwritten motion seeking the lifting of a no contact order, Nicewicz wrote that, “We are planning our wedding and she has a dog at our house she probably misses.” He also termed the pork chop strike an “accident.”

    It is unclear whether a date has been set for the couple’s nuptials, or whether they will be registering at Pat LaFrieda.

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    A Washington State man who was charged today with making death threats against Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Jr. in unhinged online posts stocked up in recent weeks on ammunition and ballistic armor, but was stopped from purchasing a 9mm handgun after the Secret Service flagged his name in a federal background check database.

    Chase Bliss Colasurdo, 27, is charged with making interstate threats against Kusher and Trump Jr., according to a criminal complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Seattle. Colasurdo was arrested yesterday in Kent, the Seattle suburb where he resides.

    Click here to download a PDF of the seven-page felony complaint.

    Federal agents began investigating Colasurdo after a “concerned citizen” contacted the FBI in mid-March about threatening posts on his social media accounts. For example, a February 27 Instagram post showed a hand pointing a gun at an image of Kushner. A day earlier, Colasurdo allegedly sent an e-mail to multiple news outlets declaring that he would “personally Execute” Kushner for “his countless treasonous acts.”

    On March 4, investigators allege, Colasurdo posted a photo of Trump Jr. along with the caption, “I would just like to let the secret service know that I am going to Execute this faggot.” Two days earlier, Colasurdo posted to Instagram a photo of Trump Jr. with two of his children. “Your kids will be fine,” a caption read. “You are still going to get executed for treason.”

    During a March 19 interview with federal agents, Colasurdo--an amateur MMA fighter--claimed that his Instagram account had been hacked, but noted that he had no plans to hurt anyone. Colasurdo also told agents that he was previously diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia while detained in a mental facility after a 2015 assault arrest.

    Following the March interview, Colasurdo continued directing threats “against Jews and public figures” from his e-mail and social media accounts. One of Colasurdo’s frequent targets has been Ben Shapiro, the conservative pundit. A photo posted to Instagram on April 7 shows Colasurdo lounging on a bed holding a rifle.

    As part of the federal probe of Colasurdo, agents accessed his Gmail account, which revealed purchases last month of body armor, a bulletproof baseball cap, rifle armor, and 300 rounds of 9mm ammunition. On April 3, Colasurdo sought to buy a $549 Sig Sauer 9mm pistol from an online retailer, but that purchase was denied since the Secret Service had flagged Colasurdo's name in the National Instant Criminal Background Check System.

    After Colasurdo’s arrest yesterday, a search of his residence yielded the ballistic armor and ammunition he recently purchased, as well as assorted firearm accessories, night vision goggles, a gas, mask, a framed portrait of Adolph Hitler, a Nazi flag, and anti-Semitic books like “The Protocols of Learned Elders of Zion.”

    Pictured above, Colasurdo is scheduled to make an initial appearance this afternoon at U.S. District Court In Seattle.

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    A man who stuffed a large Angus beef rib roast worth $62 down the front of his pants at a Florida supermarket had his alleged meat heist spoiled by an alert store employee, according to an arrest report.

    Cops say that Eric Worden, 40, jammed a seven-pound rib roast into his pants and then sought to exit a Publix supermarket in Parrish, a Tampa suburb. But Worden’s rib bid late last month was thwarted by a Publix manager who approached the accused thief to “challenge him about the roast concealed in his pants.”

    “Alright, you got me,” Worden reportedly declared as he “removed the roast before fleeing out the exit doors” around 8:30 AM.

    Worden, seen at right, was subsequently apprehended in the shopping plaza where Publix is located. After initially claiming that he had not stolen the rib roast (since he dropped it before fleeing), Worden acknowledged putting the meat down his pants, and that he had no money to pay for the rib roast.

    After its stay inside Worden's pants, the rib roast was discarded “due to contamination,” cops reported.

    Worden was charged with misdemeanor theft and booked into the county jail. Now free on $500 bond, Worden has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor count. Worden has a lengthy rap sheet, which includes time in state prison for burglary and trafficking in stolen property.