Buster

A kilt-wearing Texas man today pleaded guilty to taking merchandise from antique stores and shoving the items up his rectum before returning them to display shelves.

Mitchell Vest, 60, copped to criminal mischief in connection with vile incidents earlier this year at shops in Spring, a Houston suburb.

As part of a plea deal, the 6’6”, 250-pound Vest was sentenced in Harris County Criminal Court to 12 months probation. Since Vest is a first-time offender, if he successfully completes the probationary term, the misdemeanor conviction could be wiped from his record.

According to police, Vest visited one store and placed a makeup brush and a “Restoration Hardware piece” in his anus before placing them “back on the shelf for display.”

The owner of a second business, “The Curiosity Shop” told cops that Vest took an antique bottle opener and a “Tobacco Tent Can” and “placed them into his anus under his green skirt/kilt, then returned the items to the shelf.”

In both instances, the soiled merchandise--valued at a combined $204--had to be thrown away “due to feces on them,” investigators reported.

Since his arrest, Vest--seen in action in the surveillance photo at top--has been free on $100 bond. Described as retired in court filings, Vest and his wife own a $600,000 home in The Woodlands, a Houston suburb.

As readers of this site know, TSG is committed to chronicling alleged crimes involving unorthodox weaponry. Today's installment:

A Florida Woman was arrested Tuesday night after allegedly striking a man in the neck with a thrown cinnamon roll.

Cops say Ann Marie Luna, 37, chucked the food item at the back of the 49-year-old victim’s head, “striking him at the base of the neck.” The cinnamon roll incident occurred at a transitional housing facility in St. Petersburg, Florida.

An arrest affidavit does not reveal a motive for the alleged cinnamon roll attack, which was recorded by security cameras. After being read her rights, Luna, seen at right, reportedly admitted to tossing the delicacy.

The affidavit indicates that no weapon was seized by investigators. The victim was not injured by the cinnamon roll, “but wishes prosecution,” police noted.

Charged with misdemeanor battery, Luna was booked into the county jail, from which she was released last night after posting $500 bond.

While a judge has ordered Luna to stay away from the victim, she is still legally permitted to have contact with frosted pastries.

An intoxicated motorist who was pulled over for driving erratically on an Iowa road provided police with a state ID card that “advised that the defendant was 8’ tall,” according to a criminal complaint.

Investigators say that Joel Solorzano Villeda, 33, was behind the wheel of a 2016 Ford Focus that was “all over the road” Sunday as the vehicle traveled in the city of Rock Rapids.

During a subsequent police stop, officers charge, Solorzano Villeda (seen at left) showed several signs of intoxication, had an open can of beer in his car, and possessed methamphetamine. A portable breath test returned an “over the per se limit” result.

When asked for identification, Solorzano Villeda gave police a Minnesota ID card, the complaint alleges.

A computer check of the name and number on the ID Solorzano Villeda provided turned up “no return.” Which probably came as little surprise to police who noticed that the phony ID “advised that the defendant was 8’ tall.”

Solorzano Villeda--who is actually 5’ 8”--was arrested on several charges, including narcotics possession, operating a vehicle while intoxicated, and providing cops with a false ID. Additionally, a warrant check showed that he was wanted in another Iowa county for failure to appear in court on an earlier OWI rap.

Solorzano Villeda, who lives in Little Rock, Iowa, is currently locked up in the Lyon County jail in advance of a May 23 court hearing.

The victim in the drive-by attack, cops say, was hit in the “arms, legs, and torso” by a road-raging Florida motorist.

But the male escaped without injury because he was only struck by “pasta w/ sauce,” according to a police report.

Cops allege that Nolan Goins, 46, was involved in a road rage incident “over glaring headlights” Thursday night while driving near his St. Petersburg residence.

“The defendant threw food (pasta w/ sauce) from the passenger seat of his vehicle striking the victim through his open window as he operated his vehicle,” reported a sheriff’s deputy.

Goins was “found with the same food stains on his right sleeve” as the male target of the pasta pelting.

Seen at right, Goins was charged with battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. Goins, who was freed on $1000 bond, is a painting contractor whose rap sheet includes convictions for selling marijuana, obstruction, and battery (twice), as well as a multitude of traffic infractions.

Investigators did not identify the kind of pasta or sauce used in the alleged attack. It is also unclear if Goins was transporting his dinner (or leftovers) home or whether he regularly travels so armed.

A Missouri man is facing a felony theft charge for allegedly swiping eight “luxury” vibrators from an adult toy store and then trying to fence them via Facebook Marketplace , according to court records.

Christopher Michael Booth, 34, was named yesterday in a felony complaint charging him with stealing the vibrators--valued at a combined $1539.20--from a Hustler Hollywood outlet in Berkeley, a St. Louis suburb.

The purloined sex toys, which retail for around $200 apiece, are manufactured by Lelo, a Swedish company that advertises itself as “one of the world’s leading designer brands for intimate lifestyle products.”

Booth last month allegedly took the vibrators from a display, placed them in a white trash bag, and raced out of the store.

Employees told police they recognized the suspect because he had been in the store a day earlier and had argued with them before being asked to leave. The man, workers also recalled, had the number “314” prominently tattooed on his neck (314 is the main St. Louis area code).

Items “consistent with those stolen from the store” were later “offered for sale on Facebook Marketplace under defendant’s Facebook profile,” police allege.

Booth’s rap sheet includes multiple theft convictions.

A Florida Woman has begun serving a prison sentence for a recent naked rampage at a convenience store that included a masturbation session conducted in front of police, records show.

Celia Barrett, 35, pleaded guilty earlier this month to a variety of criminal charges stemming from her unclothed antics at a RaceTrac convenience store in late-January.

Barrett was sentenced to 15 months in state prison after copping to aggravated assault, a felony, and four misdemeanors, including exposure of sexual organs and disorderly intoxication. Following her sentencing, Barrett was transferred on March 20 from the Pinellas County jail to the custody of the Florida Department of Corrections.

Al alleged by police, a drunken Barrett threatened workers at a RaceTrac in St. Petersburg with a sharp-edged vegetable peeler and destroyed merchandise. Also, “The defendant prior to being taken into custody began masturbating in front of deputies, while still inside of the [store],” a cop noted.

In addition to the prison term, Barrett--who has previously served time for battery and marijuana possession--was ordered to pay fines, fees, and court costs totaling around $1100.

Barrett is pictured above in a Department of Corrections intake photo.