Probe: Jacko Wasn't "Manhandled"

AUGUST 16--A California state investigation did not uncover "verifiable information" that frail old Michael Jackson was "manhandled," as he claimed, while getting booked last year on child molestation charges. A lengthy probe by the state's Bureau of Investigation concluded that the singer, 45, was not roughed up by Santa Barbara County Sheriff's deputies, according the below letter from Martin Ryan, CBI chief. Investigators spoke to 163 witnesses and wasted, um, spent 2500 man hours examining the King of Pop's claim that he was handcuffed in such a brutal way that his shoulder was dislocated. Jackson, who did not make himself available for an interview, did not complain about his treatment until about three weeks after his bust, Ryan reported. The government probe, thankfully, did not bother to address Jackson's claim that, while briefly in custody, he was forced to spend 45 minutes in a bathroom smeared with "doo-doo." (3 pages)