Walmart Wanker Told Police He Was "Lonely"

Evidence was pointing right at Florida cops

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Walmart Wanker

FEBRUARY 18--A man who was spotted pleasuring himself inside a Kia in a Walmart parking lot told Florida cops that he was “lonely” because his former girlfriend was in Colorado, according to an arrest report.

Police were summoned yesterday afternoon to a Walmart in Vero Beach by a woman who reported that a man who was parked next to her was masturbating while behind the wheel of a car that had its driver’s side window open.

Upon arriving at the parking lot, cops stopped a Kia with out-of-state plates and asked the driver to exit the vehicle. When Kyle Weiss, 26, stepped out of his car, there was little doubt he was the suspect being sought: “I noticed that he had an obvious erection protruding in his shorts,” a cop reported.

Weiss initially denied exposing himself, and claimed that he was at the retailer “as a food shopper,” adding that “his business is like Uber Eats, buying food and delivering it to customers.”

During further questioning, Weiss reportedly admitted that he was lying to police. Asked by an Indian River County Sheriff’s Office deputy how he “crossed over from doing his work business to playing with himself,” Weiss “said he is lonely as his ex-girlfriend is in Colorado.”

Pictured above, Weiss also claimed that he did not realize that he “could be seen playing with himself,” the report notes. Walmart parking lots, as TSG readers know, are a favorite pervert playground.

Weiss was arrested for exposure of sexual organs and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors. Weiss, who was released last night from the county jail after posting $1000 bond, is scheduled to be arraigned on March 23.

Weiss's residence is listed as an apartment in Denver, and he is alternately described as a contractor and a taxi driver in court and jail records. (2 pages)