Plumbing The Patent Files

Who cares about cold fusion, hydrogen-powered scooters, or the perfect mousetrap when the files o the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office--the headquarters of American ingenuity--are filled with far more intriguing inventions.

The Smoking Gun is proud to present this sampling of kooky, classic, and bizarre patent filings--all of which have been granted by federal officials. Our collection of file excerpts runs the gamut from Eli Whitney's cotton gin to Cindy Michels's ergonomic underwear. Take your time and examine all of these truly inspired inventions (though some might require parental supervision).

Dead Man Leaking: The Casket Drip Pan (1 page)

Elvis Homage: Fake Sideburns For Sunglasses (1 page)

Filter 2000: Attacking A Messy Y2K Problem (1 page)

Patent Number 5,472,399: For Guys Only (1 page)

On A Leash, But Still In Vogue (2 pages)

Eli Whitney's Cotton Gin (1 page)

One Bright Idea: Thomas Edison's Lightbulb (2 pages)

Umm, This One's Not Suitable For The Kids (2 pages)

And We're Not Sure About This One Either (2 pages)

The Crack Game: Fun For The Whole Family! (4 pages)

The Jet Powered Surfboard (1 page)

Room To Breathe: Ergonomic Underwear (1 page)

Pampers For Your Pooch (2 pages)

Alexander Graham Bell Phones It In (1 page)

But What's Up David Copperfield's Sleeve? (2 pages)

Moose Shades: Can You Spell D-O-R-K? (2 pages)

Please Release Me: The Unkindest Cut (2 pages)

J. Edgar Hoover's Soda-Saving Sidekick (2 pages)