Buster

Meet Buford Carroll.

The 30-year-old Floridian was arrested Saturday evening after a 911 caller reported that the driver of a Dodge Diplomat was “swerving all over the road” and possibly drunk. The complainant noted that the driver was “wearing a hat, no shirt, and had tattoos.”

When a sheriff’s deputy subsequently found the Dodge in a hotel parking lot, Carroll “was now wearing a white shirt with a hot pink bra underneath,” according to an arrest affidavit. Carroll, the deputy reported, “smelled of an alcoholic beverage.”

Carroll, seen above, was arrested for driving the Dodge with license plates assigned to another vehicle, a misdemeanor. He was also improperly driving on a restricted license, a fact that Carroll’s girlfriend said he was aware. Asked why Carroll would do this, the woman replied, "'Cause he's a dumbass!"

Carroll was booked into the Indian River county lockup, from which he was released after posting $500 bond. Jailers prepared an inventory of Carroll's 20 tattoos, which include “Statue of Liberty holding a gun,” the phrase “Life of a Struggler,” and one back tattoo that corrections officers were “unable to describe.”

The arrest affidavit does not address why Carroll was wearing a hot pink bra.

Meet Conrad Jablecki.

The 30-year-old Maryland man has been charged with indecent exposure and open lewdness after he engaged in oral sex with a woman in the dining room of a Pennsylvania McDonald’s, cops report.

According to investigators, Jablecki and a woman--who has yet to be apprehended--trysted publicly on a Thursday afternoon in March. A McDonald’s worker spotted the duo’s illicit activity and chased them from the restaurant in York (pictured below).

Jablecki, who lives about 40 miles south of the McDonald’s, was charged Monday in a District Court criminal complaint. Jablecki’s rap sheet includes convictions this year for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct. In 2012, Jablecki was sentenced to 60 days in jail and placed on probation for two years in connection with charges that he exposed himself to a woman and her five-year-old daughter on a  Maryland beach.

According to his Facebook page, Jablecki works for a landscaping firm. In posts last year, Jablecki wrote about seeking “A bad bitch W/ mean head game” and “a Girl who is a SupaFreak+Funny+Down to Earth+spontaneous+Drama-Free+Sense of Humor+Easy to conversate with jus talk About Everything an Anything!”

A Florida woman arrested last night in a prostitution sting told an undercover cop that her price for oral sex was $25 and a serving of Chicken McNuggets, according to a court filing.

Cops allege that Alex DiReeno, 22, got into the auto of an undercover detective who had parked outside a Bradenton gas station around 10 PM. After some chit-chat, the cop told DiReeno that he “wanted to get my dick sucked.” To which DiReeno reportedly replied, “Okay.”

After “a few seconds of bargaining,” the undercover reported, the duo agreed that, “I would pay $25.00 and get the female chicken nuggets in exchange for oral sex.”

However, just blocks shy of McDonald’s (seen below), the detective stopped the vehicle at a “take-down location,” where other officers approached the car and placed DiReeno into custody. Charged with prostitution and possession of drug paraphernalia, DiReeno was booked into the county jail on $620 bond.

DiReeno was sentenced last month to three years probation after pleading guilty to auto theft and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Last year, Ohio cops arrested a Backpage.com escort on a prostitution charge after she allegedly offered to perform oral sex on an undercover officer in return for $50 and a plate of nachos.

An intoxicated Chihuahua has added to the criminal troubles of its owner, according to Pennsylvania court records.

Thomas Bloedel, 44, was arrested Thursday after he was found to be drunk behind the wheel of his 2014 Subaru Outback. Bloedel slammed the SUV into a pole outside a suburban Pittsburgh home.

Bloedel, cops say, was not alone at the time of the crash. The vehicle’s other occupant was Maxwell, Bloedel’s dog. And like his owner, Maxwell (pictured at right) was also plastered, according to a criminal complaint.

The canine, investigators say, lapped up vodka that had spilled from a bottle of Smirnoff that had been in Bloedel’s lap. After cops stuffed Bloedel into a cruiser, they returned to the Subaru, where Maxwell “was drinking the vodka that was spilled and pooled in the console.”

The Chihuahua was subsequently transported to a veterinary office, where staff noted that Maxwell's eyes were dilated and that the dog stumbled as he walked. Following treatment for alcohol poisoning (and an overnight stay at the vet’s office), Maxwell rallied.

Bloedel, a Pittsburgh resident, was charged with DUI, animal cruelty, criminal mischief, careless driving, and making terroristic threats. The latter count stemmed from Bloedel allegedly threatening to kill various police officers.

The criminal complaint notes that an “aggravated” Bloedel (seen at left) kept yelling “monkey dicks” and “similar nonsense phrases” while en route to jail.

Meet Harrison Wooton.

The 25-year-old Connecticut man was arrested early yesterday for drunk driving after he crashed his car into a wall outside a graveyard near his home in Woodstock.

As seen above, Wooton was, of course, wearing a t-shirt declaring “Hold My Beer And Watch This” when he was collared for drunk driving and failure to drive in the proper lane.

Last month, a Pennsylvania motorist arrested for drunk driving was wearing a “Drunk Lives Matter” t-shirt when collared by police.

An Illinois man is facing animal cruelty charges for allegedly punching a donkey in the face, an attack the suspect recorded and later posted to his Twitter account.

According to cops, Lucas Dietrich, 18, slugged the donkey while visiting Willoughby Farm in Collinsville, an Illinois city about 12 miles from St. Louis. Dietrich, seen above, was at the farm late last month attending a birthday party.

Investigators allege that Dietrich punched Amore, a 13-year-old miniature Mediterranean donkey, below the animal’s right ear. The donkey was not seriously injured during the attack.

Cops learned of the donkey punch after being tipped that a video of the incident had been uploaded to Twitter. In short order police identified Dietrich as the donkey assailant.

Dietrich was arrested on a pair of misdemeanor animal cruelty charges and booked into the Madison County jail (from which he was released Friday after posting $5000 bond). Dietrich is next due in court on April 27.