Buster

Meet Brianna Laird.

The 21-year-old Iowan is behind bars after police say they found her--naked from the waist down--burning stolen American flags.

Cops were dispatched around 4:25 AM Monday upon getting a report about “a nude female...lighting American Flags on fire” in Bussey, a city about 60 miles from Des Moines. 

When officers located the suspect, she “had an American Flag tied around her head and was not wearing pants or underwear.”

After reportedly giving officers a false name, Laird allegedly resisted arrest and kicked two cops. “It was learned that the flags that were taken and damaged belonged to the city of Bussey,” an investigator reported.

Seen at right, Laird was found in possession of a bag containing drug paraphernalia.

Laird, who lives in Knoxville, a city outside Bussey, is locked up on $4000 bond. She was arraigned today on a host of charges, including arson; assault; indecent exposure; theft; and possession of drug paraphernalia. Additionally, a criminal complaint filed today charges her with desecration of a flag.

At the time of her arrest, Laird was on probation for a 2023 marijuana possession conviction. In 2022, she was convicted of driving under the influence.

A registered sex offender who calls himself “Master Baiter” has again been arrested for indecent exposure, this time inside a grocery store in Seattle, Washington.

Described as a “prolific public masturbator” by prosecutors, Keenan Pearson, 46, was collared earlier this month after being observed by witnesses “openly masturbating...in front of numerous members of the public, including children.”

When confronted by cops, Pearson reportedly confessed that he was “strokin” inside the store. According to a probable cause affidavit, “While speaking with officers, he was actively looking at women and saying that they should be in his ‘show’ and could ‘stroke it’”

Pearson’s extensive rap sheet includes convictions for assault; voyeurism; burglary; domestic violence; possession of a deadly weapon; and multiple convictions for indecent exposure. The state’s sex offender registry currently lists Pearson (seen above) as “non-compliant.”

Pearson, locked up in the county jail in lieu of $150,000, is scheduled to be arraigned today.

The devil made me do it.

That is what a 73-year-old woman told Florida cops when she was arrested Saturday evening for allegedly shoplifting merchandise from a Walmart.

Police say Angela Velasquez Taborda was stopped by Walmart security when she sought to exit a Tampa-area store with $121.85 worth of goods (shampoo, socks, mens shorts, etc.). Taborda, cops say, had stashed the items in a plastic bag she brought into the retailer.

According to investigators, Taborda initially denied swiping the merch, but later “admitted they did attempt to leave the store without paying for these items.”

As for a motive for the alleged larceny, cops report, Taborda “stated they were told by the devil to buy them for someone else, but she did not have enough money, so she attempted to leave with them.”

An arrest affidavit does not further describe Taborda’s conversation with the devil (who has not been charged in connection with the misdemeanor retail theft).

Seen above, Taborda was released from the county jail this morning after posting $150 bond. While a judge has ordered her to stay away from Walmart, Taborda is not barred from contact with any mythical personifications of evil.

Sir, this is an Applebee’s.

A drunk man wearing a pink wig, fake breasts, and a pink thong was arrested Friday evening for causing a disturbance outside the chain restaurant, where concerned diners had their eatin’ good in the neighborhood disrupted.

Cops say Daniel Ciriello, 49, was so intoxicated that he was “unable to provide for his own safety and well being” as he was “stumbling around” the Applebee’s parking lot in Clearwater, Florida.

The “extremely disoriented” Ciriello tried to “enter a vehicle that did not belong to him,” cops reported. When questioned by deputies, Ciriello was unable to answer basic questions “such as where he was, where he came from, and what state he was in.”

An arrest report does not offer further details about Ciriello’s clothing.

Ciriello, seen above, was arrested for disorderly intoxication and booked into the county jail, where he changed into an orange outfit.

Following a night in jail, Ciriello was freed from custody Saturday after pleading to the misdemeanor charge. He was ordered to pay a total of $570 in fines and court costs.

Jail records list Ciriello’s home address as an apartment complex near Applebee’s. He previously resided in North Carolina, where his 22-year marriage ended in divorce in 2023.

“You look like a clown,” the cop told Christopher Marlowe, 40, after stuffing him into a squad car.

“No shit, I am a clown, stupid,” replied Marlowe, who was wearing a Ronald McDonald costume and a red nose at the time.

Police confronted Marlowe Monday afternoon at a Palm Bay, Florida shopping center from which he had been previously trespassed. “Don’t go anywhere, Chris,” a cop announced. “You’re not free to leave.”

As seen on body-worn police footage, Marlowe struggled with officers before he was knocked to the ground and handcuffed. One cop can be seen removing an orange replica gun from a pocket of Marlowe’s yellow pants.

Completing the clownish look, Marlowe wore a red-and-white striped shirt and a yellow vest (which had a skull logo in place of the McDonald’s arches). He was not wearing oversize red shoes, however.

A search of Marlowe’s backpack turned up multiple other clown outfits and a pack of 10 red noses.

Charged with trespassing, a misdemeanor, and resisting officers with violence, a felony, Marlowe (seen at right) was booked into the Brevard County jail. He is locked up in lieu of $5500 bond and is scheduled for arraignment on April 17. 

Marlowe’s rap sheet includes convictions for trespass, resisting arrest, and possession of drug paraphernalia. In January, he pleaded no contest to possession of methamphetamine and a glass pipe. Sentenced to 65 days in jail, Marlowe had been arrested in that case after causing a disturbance outside a McDonald’s restaurant.

A Georgia man opened the rear door of a police car, climbed in, and told the cop at the wheel that he wanted a ride home, according to an arrest affidavit.

Around 10 PM Friday night, Andrew Davison, 31, allegedly entered the vehicle and shut the door while “there was a human being, to wit: Officer K. Thomas, in the conveyance.”

The conveyance in question was stationed on a St. Petersburg, Florida street and “the cruiser’s emergency lights were flashing,” cops say.

“The defendant stated that he wanted a ride home,” according to a complaint charging Davison with trespassing in an occupied structure.

Davison lives in Statesboro, a city about 55 miles from Savannah. Court records do not indicate what Davison was doing in St. Petersburg (or where he was staying), but Officer Kristen Thomas noted that the accused man showed an “indication of alcohol influence.”

Seen above, Davison bonded out of jail Saturday night after posting $500 on the misdemeanor charge. He has pleaded not guilty.