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    A North Dakota man on probation for narcotics possession was wearing a “Don’t Do Drugs” t-shirt when he was arrested yesterday for methamphetamine possession.

    Esequiel Robles, 40, was collared following a traffic stop in Williston. A search of his vehicle turned up a baggie containing meth and a spoon with meth residue, according to a probable cause affidavit filed in District Court.

    Charged with narcotics possession and possession of drug paraphernalia, Robles was booked into the Williams County jail, where the above photo was snapped.

    Robles was convicted in late-2019 for meth possession and was sentenced to three years in prison (two of which were suspended) and placed on two years probation upon his departure from custody.

    Robles is scheduled for a bond hearing on January 20 and a preliminary hearing on February 17.

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    The FBI last night arrested the Florida Insurrectionist who was seen walking through the Capitol Rotunda carrying a lectern pilfered during the invasion of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s office.

    Adam Christian Johnson, 36, was collared Friday evening and booked into the Pinellas County jail on federal felony charges. Seen in the mug shot below, Johnson is being held without bond in the local lockup on a United States Marshals Service warrant.

    Johnson, who lives with his family in Parrish, a community about 40 miles south of Tampa, has been charged with theft of government property, violent entry and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds, and unlawfully entering a restricted building.

    In a statement of facts accompanying the criminal complaint filed against Johnson, FBI Agent Michael Jeng reported that Pelosi’s lectern, valued at more than $1000, was found post-insurrection by a Senate staffer in a corridor of the Capitol’s Senate wing. The lectern had been stored in Pelosi’s suite of offices.

    The court filing also included a photo from Johnson’s Facebook page showing him posing next to a sign noting that an area of the Capitol building was “Closed to all tours.” The image (seen below) was captioned “No.”   

    According to jail records, Johnson was booked around 9 PM last night. He will remain in custody in advance of an initial appearance in U.S. District Court.

    As TSG reported Thursday, Johnson, a Tennessee native, is married to a doctor and lives in a home the couple purchased in 2016 for about $400,000. His rap sheet includes marijuana possession arrests in 2003 and 2004, and a probation violation bust.

    When Florida jailers booked Johnson yesterday, they noted his tatttoos: “God, wings, cross.”

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    RELATED: FBI arrests Arkansas man, 60, who stole Pelosi mail

    RELATED: Florida Man ID’d as thief who stole Pelosi’s lectern

    1/12/2021 UPDATE: Colt surrendered today at a jail near his Idaho residence. With federal charges looming, Colt is locked up on a United States Marshals Service hold.

    “I’m all over the news now,” said Josiah Colt as he recorded a selfie video after exiting the Capitol, where, he breathlessly reported, he “hopped down into” the Senate chamber and plopped into what he thought was the seat of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, whom the rioter referred to as a “treasonous bitch.”

    Colt, a 34-year-old Idaho resident, was first photographed dropping into the Senate chamber from the visitors gallery. He then sat in Vice President Mike Pence’s chair and raised his right fist in triumph.

    The twice-divorced Colt, who will surely soon be arrested by federal agents, is identified by Washington, D.C. cops as a person of interest in connection with yesterday's “unlawful entry” into the Capitol building.

    Colt is pictured at right in a 2012 mug shot taken by the Ada County Sheriff’s Office following Colt’s conviction for resisting or obstructing police. He was sentenced to 60 days in jail and placed on unsupervised probation for one year, according to court records.

    Colt’s next booking photo session will likely be handled by the FBI or the United States Marshals Service.

    Colt last year incorporated Funnel Craft LLC, a digital marketing firm for which he is the chief executive. The firm’s web site--which appears to have gone offline post-insurrection--boasts of being staffed by “marketing geniuses” who have produced in excess of $10 million in revenue for its clients. The firm’s address is listed as Colt’s apartment in Meridian, a city outside Boise.

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    Meet Tyler Johnathon Cribbs.

    The 28-year-old Floridian was charged yesterday with robbing an acquaintance of his wallet and phone, according to a probable cause affidavit.

    Police allege that Cribbs accosted the victim last month as the man exited his residence in Astor, a community 40 miles west of Daytona Beach. The 37-year-old victim told cops that Cribbs reached into his pants pocket and stole his belongings.

    The victim said that Cribbs subsequently threatened to burn his house down and “told him that every time he sees him, he is going to take everything he’s got.” The victim, who said he has known Cribbs his whole life, added that he has “been robbed by the Defendant previously as well.”

    Along with a felony robbery count, Cribbs was also charged with theft, a misdemeanor. Upon being located by cops Sunday, Cribbs allegedly resisted officers and was found in possession of methamphetamine, leading to the filing of additional charges against the 5’ 7”, 230-pound Daytona native.

    Locked up on $8500 bond, Cribbs is scheduled for a February 1 arraignment. He has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.

    Cribbs, whose rap sheet includes convictions for possession of drug paraphernalia, resisting, and driving without a license, has the words “KING” and “SIZE” tattooed on his knuckles in the style of “The Night of the Hunter.” He also has “Perfect” inked on one arm and “Imperfection” on the other.

    As for the Snidely Whiplash mustache seen in Cribbs’s latest booking photo, it appears to be the kind of ephemeral Sharpie artwork that is usually created when the human canvas is passed out on a couch.

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    When a Louisiana cop early today informed her that she was under arrest for driving with a suspended license and a probation violation warrant, motorist Renee Whiddon would have none of the patrolman’s Scrooge-like attitude.

    “No, it’s Christmas,” Whiddon said as she turned away from Deputy Timothy Fischer and began to run from her vehicle, which was pulled over on a street in West Monroe around 4:35 AM.

    Whiddon’s getaway was brief, however, as Fischer noted in an arrest affidavit.

    “Whiddon made it a very short distance before she ran into a parking lot sign and fell to the ground,” the cop reported.

    Seen above, the 34-year-old Whiddon was then handcuffed and transported to jail, where she was booked on several charges, including methamphetamine possession and resisting an officer.

    Bond has not been set for Whiddon, so it appears likely she will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas behind bars.

    According to court records, Whiddon was arrested in late-October for possession of meth, cocaine, and Suboxone, possession of drug paraphernalia, and illegal possession of a firearm. Those charges are pending.

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    An Oklahoma man is behind bars for child neglect after allegedly giving his two-year-old daughter sips from a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, investigators say.

    James Watts, 27, was arrested this week after the child’s mother contacted Oklahoma City cops to report that the toddler was given alcohol by her biological father.

    Brionca Peterson provided police with a Snapchat video showing Watts giving the girl “two sips of Smirnoff Ice wine cooler,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

    In the video, Watts “states in text ‘My baby gone be drunk,’” the affidavit states. Along with an “emoji hand on face,” Watts wrote, “She liking it a lil too much.” Describing the video, an investigator noted that Watts allowed the victim to “take a drink then he takes a sip and hands it back to her so she can have another sip of the alcoholic beverage.”

    Pictured above, Watts is being held in the Oklahoma County jail in lieu of $50,000 bond on the felony charge.

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    In a classic Masshole move, a Massachusetts native now living in Florida was arrested Saturday evening for allegedly battering a “partially disabled” victim who “disagreed with the defendant about liking teams from Boston.”

    Police charge that Jeffrey Randall, 59, engaged the victim “in an argument about sports teams from Boston” while the men were inside Randall’s St. Petersburg residence Saturday evening.

    When the victim disagreed with Randall “about liking teams from Boston,” Randall became “physically aggressive and pushed the victim twice in the chest,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    “The victim is partially disabled and unable to defend himself,” a sheriff's deputy reported.

    Randall, arrested on a misdemeanor battery charge, was released from the county jail yesterday morning on his own recognizance. Randall’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft; trespassing; disorderly intoxication; probation violation; and battery on a law enforcement officer.

    Jail records list Massachusetts as Randall’s place of birth, while other records show that he has previously lived in and around Boston, as well as a Cape Cod town.

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    After being denied Geek Squad service at a Best Buy store due to his refusal to wear a mask, a Florida Man allegedly coughed and spit all over a store counter before spraying a beverage from his mouth as he departed the business, police charge.

    Alton Ashby, 51, was arrested for disorderly conduct following his outburst Saturday afternoon at a Best Buy store in Vero Beach. Ashby, who lives in nearby Palm Bay, was freed from the Indian River county jail after posting $500 bond.

    According to an arrest affidavit, the maskless Ashby walked up to the Geek Squad counter, where a worker asked him to put on a mask. When Ashby refused, the worker summoned her manager, who provided Ashby with a mask.

    After putting the mask on, Ashby removed the face covering “and started sneezing,” the manager told police. Upon being told that he would not be provided service, Ashby, a witness said, “cough and spit all over Geek Squad counter then continued to walk around the connected department to do the same thing.”

    When Ashby would not leave Best Buy, a worker dialed 911. As Ashby walked to the front of the store, he was carrying a Coca-Cola “which he sprayed everywhere as he was walking out.” A Best Buy employee told police that customers left due to the incident and that workers had to sanitize multiple areas of the store.

    When questioned by police, Ashby reportedly said that he was “upset and is going through a lot this year and got carried away at the store.”

    Ashby is scheduled for a January 5 arraignment on the misdemeanor charge. Seen above, Ashby is a registered Republican, according to Florida voter records.

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    After being placed in shackles due to some alleged drunken dumbassery, a Florida collegian told cops that being restrained “gets me off,” and then requested someone “pinch my nipples,” according to an arrest report.

    Cops allege that Joseph Lancaster, a 22-year-old University of South Florida student, caused a disturbance early Sunday after refusing to pay an $820 bill at a St. Petersburg nightspot.

    After Lancaster argued with security guards, his friends stepped in and paid the bar tab. Lancaster, stumbling and slurring his words, then began shouting, “I am sorry none of you graduated high school, but fuck you.” Upon being detained by police, Lancaster’s belligerence did not cease. “Fuck you, pussy” and “Bro, this is fucked,” he shouted, cops noted.

    When a police transport van arrived, Lancaster “even argued with the van driver,” the report states. “The defendant had to be placed in shackles and stated, ‘This gets me off.’ He also said ‘pinch my nipples.’”

    Charged with disorderly intoxication, a misdemeanor, Lancaster was booked into the county jail (from which he was released this morning after posting $100 bond).

    Pictured above, Lancaster was arrested in June for driving under the influence. He was freed on $500 bond in that pending misdemeanor case, which is scheduled for a December 11 hearing.

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    Meet Lauren Clay and Darryl Thompson.

    The Maryland couple was arrested early today on weapons charges following a traffic stop in Glen Burnie, a Baltimore suburb.

    According to the Anne Arundel County Police Department, Thompson was behind the wheel of a vehicle pulled over for an “equipment violation” around 1:40 AM. Clay was in the auto’s front passenger seat.

    After detecting the smell of marijuana, cops asked the duo to exit the car. It was at this point that an officer spotted a Ruger 9mm handgun tucked into Clay’s waistband. During a subsequent search of the vehicle, a second loaded gun--a Ruger outfitted with a Crimson Trace laser sight--was recovered.

    Clay and Thompson were each charged with four misdemeanor weapons counts, according to court records, which list their joint residence as an apartment located less than a mile from where they were busted.

    As seen in their mug shots, the defendants appear to be big fans of “Rick and Morty,” the animated, late-night Cartoon Network series. The show’s principal characters are Rick Sanchez, an alcoholic mad scientist, and his grandson, Morty Smith. The hit show’s fifth season is expected to start in the next several months.

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    A defendant who threw two naked women out of his Florida home during a 2 AM altercation yesterday told police that the victims attacked him after he declined to engage in a sexual threesome, according to criminal complaints.

    Responding to a 911 call about a disturbance at a Clearwater apartment building, cops interviewed Ciraya Rassasombath, 27, and Angelique Pavelec, 28, about an encounter with Rassasombath’s husband that allegedly turned violent.

    According to arrest affidavits, Pavelec went to Rassasombath’s home to “hang out and drink.” While at the apartment, Pavelec said, “they had planned sexual arrangements with her friend’s husband,” Calvin Rassasombath, 33.

    But before a threesome ensued, a verbal argument began, Pavelec reported, over the way Calvin was treating his wife. As the dispute escalated, Calvin allegedly choked both naked women before throwing them out of the residence. Ciraya told cops that the attack occurred “during a planned sexual arrangement.”

    A Clearwater Police Department officer reported observing marks and bruising on the necks of both women.

    After being read his rights, Calvin claimed that the women “wanted to have sex with him but he did not want to,” prompting them to attack him. Calvin added that he was “able to get them out of the residence and call law enforcement.”

    Based on the statements given by the women and the evidence of the injuries they suffered, Calvin was arrested on felony and misdemeanor battery charges. After posting $5500 bond, he was released this morning from the county jail. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the women.

    Calvin has previously been convicted of trespass and burglary (for which he spent time in state prison). He is pictured above, flanked by Pavelec (left) and Ciraya.

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    In a harebrained and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to score some free food, a Georgia woman posed as an FBI agent while demanding gratis grub from Chick-fil-A workers, cops allege.

    Late Thursday morning, police received a suspicious person call from employees at the eatery in Rockmart, a city 45 miles from Atlanta. A 911 caller reported that the suspect, who was in a white van, was “identifying themselves as a federal agent to try and get free food.”

    When cops arrived at the Chick-fil-A around noon, they approached a white Dodge Grand Caravan whose driver was later identified as Kimberly Ragsdale, 47, who lives about 20 miles from the restaurant.

    Asked by an officer if she had been identifying herself as a federal agent, “Ragsdale stated that she was a federal agent,” according to a Rockmart Police Department report. In response to a police request to see her credentials, Ragsdale replied that she “did not have one that it was electronic.”

    Ragsdale refused to exit her van until an officer displayed his taser and warned that it would be deployed unless she got out of the Dodge.

    After being handcuffed, Ragsdale continued her charade. “Ms. Ragsdale then began to talk into her shirt like she was talking into a radio telling someone that we were arresting her and to send someone to Rockmart PD,” reported Officer William Gilstrap.

    Chick-fil-A workers told another cop that Ragsdale had been coming to the restaurant (seen below) “for several days saying she worked with the FBI and requested free food.”

    Seen in the above booking photo, Ragsdale was charged with impersonating a public official.

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    Angered that a burger joint “had no more lettuce for their sandwiches,” a Florida Man allegedly caused a disturbance late Wednesday that resulted in his arrest on a pair of criminal charges.

    Police say that Henry Arce-Cabellero, 49, was beating on the windows of a Checkers restaurant in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area. Arce-Cabelleo was melting down, cops charge, “because he was upset that the store had no more lettuce for their sandwiches.”

    According to a criminal complaint, Arce-Cabellero was “yelling and screaming” at Checkers’s employees, causing them to “fear for their safety.”

    When police arrived at the eatery around 11:30 PM, Arce-Cabellero, who was in his car, refused to identify himself, prompting an officer to remove him from the vehicle. “The defendant was uncooperative with me and denied the allegations,” a patrolman reported.

    Arce-Cabellero was charged with disorderly conduct in an establishment and resisting an officer without violence, both misdemeanors. Arce-Cabelleo was released yesterday from the county jail on his own recognizance.

    According to recent news reports, a national lettuce shortage has impacted restaurants across the country. Last month, for example, Chick-fil-A alerted customers that due to “industry wide challenges with lettuce supply, certain menu items, including salads, may be prepared differently or unavailable for the time being.”