Buster

After stealing $800 worth of Barbie toys from a Buffalo-area Walmart, a New York woman led police on a 100+ mph chase, according to investigators.

Cops say Emoni Thompson, 26, swiped the Barbie haul Monday afternoon from a Walmart Supercenter in Lockport. After walking out of the retailer, Thompson departed in a 2016 Ford Escape, according to the New York State Police.

After officers spotted Thompson’s car, they activated emergency lights and sought to have her pull over. Instead, Thompson continued to flee, hitting speeds in excess of 100 mph.

Citing public safety concerns, cops say they discontinued the chase, but located the Buffalo resident the following day and arrested her for larceny, fleeing an officer, and multiple traffic offenses.

Thompson was issued an appearance ticket and is due in a Lockport court next month.

It is unclear whether the Barbie merchandise was recovered, or whether the stolen goods included a Dreamhouse or any products featuring Ken, Barbie’s reported boyfriend, or her sister Skipper.

An Iowan pleasured himself outside a Kum & Go store and then departed for his nearby apartment, according to an indecent exposure complaint filed following his arrest yesterday.

According to cops, victims called 911 to report that an “unknown male had said sexual things to them and began masturbating in their presence” while outside the convenience store in Iowa City.

After a police canvass near the Kum & Go, officers identified Kenneth Lee Kelly, 54, as a suspect in the public pleasure session. “Multiple subjects from Kum & Go, neighboring businesses, and apartments identified the defendant as the subject in the photos,” cops reported.

Contacted at home, Kelly denied he was the individual captured on surveillance video. Kelly, however, “confirmed he had clothing that matched the video” and showed police a hat that was an “identical match” to the one worn by the suspect during the deed earlier this year.

A search warrant at Kelly’s apartment resulted in the seizure of garments that “matched surveillance and traffic camera video from this incident.” Additionally, a photo lineup was conducted and “victims...independently identified” Kelly as the 12:30 AM Kum & Go masturbator.

Seen above, Kelly was arrested Thursday and booked into jail for indecent exposure, a “serious misdemeanor” for which bond has yet to be set.

When questioned by police, Kelly reportedly “claimed he wasn’t exposing himself,” but instead was just “scratching his genitals.”

Kelly’s rap sheet includes convictions for felony theft, narcotics possession, driving without a license, and marijuana possession.

A New Jersey school custodian used bleach and “personal bodily fluids” to contaminate food products and utensils intended for elementary school students, investigators allege.

Giovanni Impellizzeri, 25, is facing multiple felony counts after allegedly recording himself “performing sexual acts with items from the school.”

Impellizzeri, seen at right, posted “extremely disturbing videos” to Telegram, prompting several tips to be sent to officials with the Elizabeth F. Moore School in Upper Deerfield.

As detailed in a shocking probable cause affidavit, videos obtained by police showed Impellizzeri using “various utensils and items from the school to wipe his penis, testicles, and anus.” Additionally, he could be seen “masturbating and urinating on pillows and kitchen bowls” and spraying bleach on cucumbers later served to students.

As if that was not revolting enough, Impellizzeri allegedly used “multiple pieces of bread to wipe” his anus and genitals “before putting the bread back into the container to be later served to children” at the public school.

Impellizzeri has worked for the Upper Deerfield school district since 2019. He is currently locked up in the Cumberland County jail in advance of a detention hearing.

A Louisiana nurse survived an attempted spork stabbing by an “extremely combative and aggressive” patient, police report.

Officers were dispatched yesterday to Glenwood Regional Health Center’s behavioral health unit “in reference to a disturbance” around 2 AM.

Upon arrival at the West Monroe facility, hospital staff told cops that Madison Bingham, 19, had been “extremely combative and aggressive” toward staff and “made numerous threats.”

The patient was arrested after a female nurse said Bingham “attempted to stab her with a plastic ‘spork.’” The nurse was able to dodge the alleged spork stabbing bid.

Monroe, who lives in Vicksburg, Mississippi, was arrested for simple assault, a misdemeanor, and booked into the local parish jail, where she is locked up in lieu of $500 bond.

A probable cause affidavit does not reveal why Bingham was in the hospital, or whether the spork was seized as evidence.

12/7 UPDATE: Jury convicts Trump superfan

The Trump superfan busted for allegedly forging his dead father’s name on a 2020 election mail-in ballot is a convicted felon who was sentenced to 12 years in prison for financial fraud and ordered to pay $22 million in restitution, an amount he recently challenged via a bizarre pro se motion in which he requests to “identify” as “HUNTER BIDEN” in all future court proceedings, records show.

Robert Rivernider, 58, was charged last week with fraud and forgery for allegedly signing his father’s name to the ballot, which was postmarked days after the older man’s October 2020 death (which was due to COVID-19, according to a federal court filing).  

As detailed in a criminal complaint filed in Sumter County, Florida, based on a comparison of signatures for Rivernider and his father, “there appear to be similarities between the signatures in the 2020 election” that match Rivernider’s signature, “but not prior versions of [his father’s signature].”

Pictured at right, Rivernider moved into his father’s Wildwood home after his May 2020 release from a federal lockup in Estill, South Carolina. In December 2013, Rivernider was sentenced to 12 years in prison after pleading guilty to an investment scheme that defrauded victims into "purchasing real estate investment properties based on material misrepresentations, concealed facts, and material omissions,” according to prosecutors.

Rivernider was convicted in the District of Connecticut, where the U.S. Attorney’s Office was, at the time of his plea, headed by John Durham (whose name might ring a bell).

A judge granted Rivernider’s early release after the felon filed a “compassionate release” motion citing his heart ailments and the rampant COVID-19 spread in the federal prison system. Additionally, Rivernider noted that his elderly father had been left alone following the death of Rivernider’s mother.

Finding that Rivernider’s recidivism risk was “low,” Judge Robert Chatigny freed the convict, who, upon release, began serving a five-year probation term (which ends in May 2025).

Rivernider does not credit Chatigny for his freedom, however. His release was “thanks to President Trump,” according to his account on X, formerly known as Twitter. On his Substack bio, Rivernider writes, “Freedom fighter TRUMP WON.”

Upon arriving in Florida, Rivernider has served on the board of Villagers for Trump, the leading Trump/MAGA group in The Villages, the sprawling retirement community. In a court filing, he reported working as a GOP field organizer in Florida and Georgia. According to another court document, Rivernider got a job in 2021 as a legislative representative for an unnamed organization “that helps people have a voice on Capitol Hill.”

What Rivernider has not done, prosecutors charged earlier this year in a probation violation report, is adhere to a court-ordered restitution schedule.

Rivernider has chafed at the repayment plan and sought to have his conspiracy and wire fraud convictions set aside. He blames representatives of the “United States Corporation” for his legal travails.

In a June 2023 motion--which he filed pro se--Rivernider declared that the “Department of INJustice” has made a mockery of the rule of law and the federal bench has “refused to recognize FRAUD ON THE COURT.” As such, since “anyone can identify as anything they like,” Rivernider asked the judge to “identify and treat the defendant in the above-captioned case as “HUNTER BIDEN” from this point forward.”

In addition to asking the court to “dismiss the entire case,” Rivernider sought an apology “to the defendants and their families, order the persecutors to do the same, and all resign.”

In a one-sentence order signed on August 1, Chatigny denied Rivernider’s motion, which the judge called “frivolous.”