Buster

A married couple was arrested Sunday evening for allegedly engaging in lewd activity at a sidewalk café in Florida, according to court records.

Ryan Cook, 29, and Kimberley Morey, 27, were at the Where’s Jubes bar in downtown St. Petersburg when the disorderly conduct occurred, police say.

According to a witness, Cook placed his hand up his wife’s dress and touched her private parts, which reportedly “caused a disturbance” and a “breach of the peace.” Morey was charged for “allowing her husband to place his hand up her dress” and engage in sexual conduct.

Arrest affidavits do not identify the witness who fingered the frisky couple.

Pictured above, Cook and Morey were each charged with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor, and possession of an open container (bottles of Captain Morgan rum).

During a court appearance Monday, Cook and Morey pleaded no contest to the charges. A judge adjudicated them guilty and fined each about $500. The couple was subsequently freed from the county jail.

It was a Tale of Two Identities.

Vincent Conroy, 56, was allegedly drunk and walking around a Florida parking lot “wearing only a tee shirt with no pants” early Wednesday morning. With his private parts on public display, Conroy was spotted with two wine bottles and a can of beer.

When confronted by police and asked to identify himself, the suspect “provided the name ‘Charles Dickens,’” according to an arrest report. “It was later discovered his name was Vincent Conroy.”

In addition to open container and exposure of sexual organs counts, Conroy was charged with providing a false name to law enforcement. 

After a day locked up in the local bleak house, Conroy was freed Thursday on his own recognizance by a County Judge.

Conroy (left) and Dickens are pictured above.

Incensed that he was denied a free refill at a lemonade stand run by children, a Florida Man “aggressively” grabbed a female victim, adopted a fighting stance, and warned that he “would beat her up,” cops charge.

Investigators say Steven Cusumano, 45, was walking in a Clearwater neighborhood around 7:30 PM Tuesday “when he observed a lemonade stand being run by several juveniles and the victim.”

Cusumano “purchased 1 glass of lemonade then became angry when he was not allowed to refill his cup,” according to a criminal complaint.

Seen at right, Cusumano then allegedly “grabbed the victim by the wrist aggressively while standing in a fighting stance telling the victim he would beat her up.” Cusumano left the residential area on foot, but was quickly apprehended by an officer.

During police questioning, Cusumano reportedly “admitted to the entire sequence of events,” but claimed that he grabbed the victim due to her “talking shit to me.” The complaint does not list the age of the victim.

Cusumano, who cops describe as a transient, was charged with felony battery, an enhanced count due to Cusumano’s extensive rap sheet, which includes multiple prior convictions for battery, as well as convictions for trespassing; narcotics possession; disorderly intoxication; assault with a deadly weapon; theft; and disorderly conduct.

Locked up in the county jail in lieu of $5000 bond, Cusumano has pleaded not guilty.

Facing arrest for pelting his spouse with his lunch and a metal spoon, a Louisiana man offered police a novel legal take, claiming that,“it was not a crime to throw food on his wife,” according to an arrest report.

Investigators allege that a recent verbal argument between Willie Cook, 58, and his wife of 34 years turned violent when Cook “began throwing food at her.” Cook also allegedly threw a metal spoon, which hit the victim in the head.

When cops arrived at the couple’s Monroe home, they “observed food on the master bed, where the victim stated the incident took place.” Additionally, a cop detected “a small lump on the back of the victim’s head.”

After being read his rights, Cook declared that it was not unlawful to shower one’s spouse with food items. That analysis was rejected by police and Cook was arrested for domestic abuse battery.

Cook spent two days in custody before posting $500 bond on the misdemeanor charge.

A man wearing a t-shirt declaring “I Never Argue” was arrested yesterday when an argument with a female acquaintance turned violent, police report.

Daniel Murillo, 44, is accused of repeatedly punching the 24-year-old victim in the head while they were seated in a BMW outside an Econo Lodge in Kissimmee, Florida.

The duo had traveled from Tampa, but were left stranded when their car broke down. After a few days at the hotel, they ran out of money and “began staying in their vehicle while attempting to fix it” and arrange for a tow, according to police.

While Murillo said he and the victim had “been in a romantic relationship for several months,” the woman, cops say, denied an intimate relationship with him.

The inability to arrange a AAA tow, the victim told police, “upset Daniel and added to the tension between them, which led to a verbal argument.” Which, investigators charge, progressed to Murillo battering the woman.

Cops noted that the victim had several bumps on her head which “appeared swollen and recent.”

Murillo claimed that he “struck [the victim] several times in retaliation for her punching him in the face.” He added that after the woman “threw urine at him from a cup they had inside the car,” he broke the vehicle’s windows.

Based on “the totality of the circumstances,” officers arrested Murillo for misdemeanor battery. He was booked into the Osceola County jail on $1000 bond in advance of a court appearance this afternoon.

His “I Never Argue” shirt was replaced with a jail smock.

When planning to vandalize your former boyfriend’s car with eggs and yellow paint, it is always a good idea to make sure you know the exact make and model of the target vehicle.

Cops charge that Evelina Fabianski, 18, mistakenly damaged the wrong auto last night on the Deltona, Florida street where her ex resides.  

By the time officers responded to a 911 call about a “young woman spray-painting a vehicle,” Fabianski had already caused $5000 in damages to an innocent Infiniti sedan (seen above). Along with the words “Jason” and “Devil,” Fabianski allegedly covered the car with various other scribbles.

Fabianski, who was assisted by a 16-year-old female sidekick, told cops that she was angry at her ex over a $700 debt she was owed, according to an arrest affidavit.

Cops allege that Fabianski “decided to spray paint what she thought was his vehicle.” In fact, the defaced auto is owned by a man who lives across the street.

Pictured at right, Fabianski was charged with criminal mischief, contributing to the delinquency of a child, and illegal possession of alcohol. She was also hit with a DUI rap. Her underage cohort--who was found covered in yellow paint--was cited for marijuana possession.

Commenting on the vandalism, a sheriff’s deputy told Fabianski, “You really need to try harder to try to be sneaky, because you are God awful.” He added, chuckling, “And you guys spray painted the wrong damn car.”

Fabianski was freed on bond late this afternoon from the county jail. While three of the four counts she faces are misdemeanors, the criminal mischief is a felony since damage to the car exceeded $1000.