Buster

The first rule of False Name Club is: You do not claim to be Tyler Durden.

During a vehicle stop late Sunday night in Dunedin, a Gulf Coast city, Florida cops discovered a 9mm handgun, ammunition, and “a trafficking amount of narcotics” inside the auto.

Since the gun and the drugs--heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, marijuana, and Xanax--appeared to belong to a male passenger, Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office deputies asked the man to identify himself.

In response, the suspect “provided the name ‘Tyler Durden,’” according to an arrest report. Apparently unaware that “Durden” was a character in the 1999 film “Fight Club,” cops ran the handle through a police database and “were unable to locate a subject by that name.”

Using a fingerprint scanner, police subsequently identified the passenger as Todd Michael Burns, 44, whose rap sheet includes numerous drug convictions, as well as convictions for grand theft, disorderly conduct, violating probation, and carrying a concealed weapon.

Seen above, Burns is currently on probation for a 2019 conviction for meth possession. He is also facing burglary and grand theft charges in another Florida county.

After Burns’s identity was confirmed by cops, he reportedly “admitted to giving a false name due to not knowing why he was being arrested.” Locked up in the county jail, Burns is facing an assortment of felony drug and weapons charges, as well as a misdemeanor count for providing a false name to law enforcement.

Faced with a locked bathroom at a convenience store, a Florida Man decided to instead relieve himself inside the business’s beer cave, ruining $113.36 in merchandise, police report.

According to an arrest report, Clarence Patterson, 61, entered the Hop & Pop store Saturday afternoon and proceeded to the restroom, which was locked. Patterson “then entered the ‘beer cave’ making the appearance he was looking at the merchandise inside.”

Patterson, who lives about two miles from the store in Rockledge, a city 50 miles east of Orlando, then “faced toward the alcohol cases on the shelves,” unzipped his pants, and began urinating.

“There were six cases of beer total that were damaged and could no longer be sold,” a cop reported, adding that the beer cave incident was recorded by a store surveillance camera.

Pictured above, Patterson was arrested Wednesday and charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor for which he posted $500 bond.

Who sucks now, Chad?

An Arkansas man wearing a “Joe Biden Sucks” t-shirt was arrested Tuesday on narcotics charges, according to police.

Chad Spencer Sharp, 50, was busted by cops following a traffic stop in Decatur, a city about 15 miles from his residence in Bella Vista.

Seen above, Sharp was charged with drug possession with intent to distribute, a class A misdemeanor, possession of drug paraphernalia, and driving without a seatbelt. He is being held in the county jail in lieu of $5000 bond.

While the full message on Sharp’s shirt was cropped in his mug shot, a jailer confirmed to TSG that “Sucks” appears below the 46th president’s name.

In related garment news, a 71-year-old Missouri man wearing a “Biden Is An Idiot” t-shirt was busted Friday for drunk driving, while a 26-year-old man wearing a “Let’s Go Brandon” t-shirt was recently arrested in Alabama for drunk driving.

Who’s the idiot now, Randy?

A Missouri man wearing a “Biden Is An Idiot” t-shirt was arrested Friday for drunk driving, according to police.

Randall Westveer, 71, was collared by state troopers and booked into the Boone County jail, where he posed for the above mug shot. Westveer, who lives in a neighboring county, was later released on $500 bond on the misdemeanor DWI count.

Westveer pleaded guilty to DWI in 2020 and was fined $500, according to court records. Westveer’s t-shirt, available online for around $20, uses the presidential seal as the “O” in idiot.

In related garment news, a 26-year-old man recently arrested for drunk driving was wearing a “Let’s Go Brandon!” shirt when Alabama cops stuffed him into a squad car.

An Ohio man is facing drug charges after police found a large amount of marijuana and THC wax in his car during a traffic stop yesterday afternoon.

Antonio Stanley, a 40-year-old Cincinnati resident, was busted on felony trafficking and possession counts after he was pulled over on Interstate I-75, police report. Stanley, pictured at right, is being held in the Butler County jail on the narcotics raps.

As seen in the above evidence photo (click to enlarge), along with the narcotics, cops seized drug paraphernalia, cash, a phone, and an individually wrapped Freestone dill pickle.

According to the Bangor, Michigan-based Freestone Pickle Company, its products are a “great, salty snack alternative” that are low in calories and fat- and cholesterol-free.

The confiscated pickle has an estimated street value of about $1.

Turns out Roger Stone is not the only Florida cretin with an image of a disgraced Republican president tattooed on his back.

Jeffrey Wayne Coker, 34, was arrested Saturday afternoon for fighting in public in Leesburg, a central Florida city. He was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor charge and released from custody early Sunday morning after posting $1000 bond.

But before leaving the lockup, Coker posed for a series of mug shots that recorded his head-to-toe body art.

As seen above, Coker’s back includes a large U.S. flag atop which sits images of Donald Trump, the Statue of Liberty, a swastika, and a Nazi Eagle with SS bolts.  

Coker, whose rap sheet includes a half-dozen felony convictions, was released from state prison in September 2020 after serving three years for obstruction and being a felon in possession of a firearm.

Coker registered to vote as a Republican in 2012, according to Florida state records.