Buster

The Florida Woman arrested for shoving cheesy nachos down her wife's leggings during a 3 AM domestic confrontation has pleaded no contest to battery and been sentenced to complete a 29-week “batterers intervention program,” according to court records.

During a change of plea hearing earlier this month, Allyson Swan agreed to withdraw her previous not guilty plea and enter a domestic violence diversion program that, if successfully completed, can result in the dismissal of the misdemeanor case.

Seen at right, Swan, a 39-year-old nurse, was also ordered to pay $875 in court costs.

A judge has barred Swan from having any contact with the 40-year-old victim (whom Swan filed to divorce a week after her May 3 arrest). The defendant is also prohibited from possessing firearms, ammunition, or controlled substances (without a prescription).

Police say Swan’s wife, who is also a nurse, was “making nachos with nacho cheese in the kitchen” around 3 AM when Swan “told her she shouldn’t be eating this late and made a comment about her weight.”

During the argument that followed, Swan approached her wife and “grabbed a handful of the cheesy nachos and shoved them down the back” of the victim’s leggings. She also allegedly slammed the victim’s head on the floor and “shoved her fingers into either side of her mouth and hooked them like a fish.”

When officers responded to the couple’s Port St. Lucie residence, they spotted two yellow smears resembling nacho cheese on a wall. An examination of the victim’s leggings revealed “what appeared to be nacho cheese on the interior backside--consistent with her story.”

A Missouri man accosted a Hispanic family at a park and demanded to see their citizenship papers, yelling that “they better be legal,” according to investigators who arrested the suspect on a felony harassment charge.

Police were dispatched Tuesday to Liberty Park in Sedalia “in reference to a disturbance,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

An officer spoke with a woman who said her children were playing when a man began yelling at her. When the victim moved to put her kids in the car, the suspect continued yelling, and “went to the driver’s window and asked for her husband’s papers, telling them they better be legal.”

The woman told a cop that her children were crying as her husband sought to drive “the wrong way out of the park to get away from him.” The family returned to the park when they saw police arrive, and the woman said “the male subject’s behavior scared her and she feared for the safety of her family.”

Cops subsequently confronted Dean Murphree, 61, about his encounter with the family. Murphree, seen above, said he was a “retired Veteran who serves and protects this community” and patrolled the park “nearly every night.”

Murphree claimed that, “not too long ago,” he was at the park and “caught a bunch of ‘illegals’ tearing up the rose garden and trashing the gazebo.” Murphree, police charged, yelled at the family and tried to prevent them “from leaving the park simply because...they were Hispanic.”

Arrested on a felony charge, Murphree was booked into the county jail on $2500 bond in advance of his arraignment today. The alleged immigration vigilante lives about three miles from Liberty Park.

A married couple was arrested Sunday evening for allegedly engaging in lewd activity at a sidewalk café in Florida, according to court records.

Ryan Cook, 29, and Kimberley Morey, 27, were at the Where’s Jubes bar in downtown St. Petersburg when the disorderly conduct occurred, police say.

According to a witness, Cook placed his hand up his wife’s dress and touched her private parts, which reportedly “caused a disturbance” and a “breach of the peace.” Morey was charged for “allowing her husband to place his hand up her dress” and engage in sexual conduct.

Arrest affidavits do not identify the witness who fingered the frisky couple.

Pictured above, Cook and Morey were each charged with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor, and possession of an open container (bottles of Captain Morgan rum).

During a court appearance Monday, Cook and Morey pleaded no contest to the charges. A judge adjudicated them guilty and fined each about $500. The couple was subsequently freed from the county jail.

It was a Tale of Two Identities.

Vincent Conroy, 56, was allegedly drunk and walking around a Florida parking lot “wearing only a tee shirt with no pants” early Wednesday morning. With his private parts on public display, Conroy was spotted with two wine bottles and a can of beer.

When confronted by police and asked to identify himself, the suspect “provided the name ‘Charles Dickens,’” according to an arrest report. “It was later discovered his name was Vincent Conroy.”

In addition to open container and exposure of sexual organs counts, Conroy was charged with providing a false name to law enforcement. 

After a day locked up in the local bleak house, Conroy was freed Thursday on his own recognizance by a County Judge.

Conroy (left) and Dickens are pictured above.

Incensed that he was denied a free refill at a lemonade stand run by children, a Florida Man “aggressively” grabbed a female victim, adopted a fighting stance, and warned that he “would beat her up,” cops charge.

Investigators say Steven Cusumano, 45, was walking in a Clearwater neighborhood around 7:30 PM Tuesday “when he observed a lemonade stand being run by several juveniles and the victim.”

Cusumano “purchased 1 glass of lemonade then became angry when he was not allowed to refill his cup,” according to a criminal complaint.

Seen at right, Cusumano then allegedly “grabbed the victim by the wrist aggressively while standing in a fighting stance telling the victim he would beat her up.” Cusumano left the residential area on foot, but was quickly apprehended by an officer.

During police questioning, Cusumano reportedly “admitted to the entire sequence of events,” but claimed that he grabbed the victim due to her “talking shit to me.” The complaint does not list the age of the victim.

Cusumano, who cops describe as a transient, was charged with felony battery, an enhanced count due to Cusumano’s extensive rap sheet, which includes multiple prior convictions for battery, as well as convictions for trespassing; narcotics possession; disorderly intoxication; assault with a deadly weapon; theft; and disorderly conduct.

Locked up in the county jail in lieu of $5000 bond, Cusumano has pleaded not guilty.

Facing arrest for pelting his spouse with his lunch and a metal spoon, a Louisiana man offered police a novel legal take, claiming that,“it was not a crime to throw food on his wife,” according to an arrest report.

Investigators allege that a recent verbal argument between Willie Cook, 58, and his wife of 34 years turned violent when Cook “began throwing food at her.” Cook also allegedly threw a metal spoon, which hit the victim in the head.

When cops arrived at the couple’s Monroe home, they “observed food on the master bed, where the victim stated the incident took place.” Additionally, a cop detected “a small lump on the back of the victim’s head.”

After being read his rights, Cook declared that it was not unlawful to shower one’s spouse with food items. That analysis was rejected by police and Cook was arrested for domestic abuse battery.

Cook spent two days in custody before posting $500 bond on the misdemeanor charge.