Dustin Diamond

Now that he's opted for an exciting career in homemade porn, perhaps Dustin Diamond will be able to book more personal appearances during which he regales audiences with stories from his days as Screech on TV's "Saved By The Bell." If that happens, promoters nationwide will have to adhere to rules promulgated in the actor's contract rider.

The 29-year-old Diamond, you see, is very strict when it comes to his billing, which should not be Screech-centric, since that was "one of many characters that Artist portrayed earlier in his career." In fact, violations of Diamond's billing policy will result in a promoter being levied a $100 fine for every offending ad, flyer, or marquee. Other Diamond demands include "one well-lit parking space" at the venue, two pints of "chilled" chocolate milk in his dressing room, and round-trip airfare. "Artist," though, "will not fly stand by." And when deplaning, he is to "be met at the airport gate with a sign that says: 'DIAMOND.'"

The rider also notes that Diamond does two types of shows: stand-up performances and lectures. When he's telling jokes (some of which are blue), "You are getting a mature Dustin Diamond not Screech," the rider notes. During a lecture, Diamond speaks about breaking into the business and offers behind-the-scenes stories from "Saved By The Bell." He will also do "the Screech voice, face, and walk." (3 pages)