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    A tipsy Florida Motorist whose blood alcohol content was measured at nearly three times the legal limit admitted consuming whiskey shots prior to driving, but assured cops, “I’m a professional drinker.”

    George Emmanuel, 54, was collared late Wednesday evening after a sheriff’s deputy spotted his vehicle speeding in a 35 mph zone.

    After being pulled over, Emmanuel--who was wobbly and had “watery and glassy” eyes--performed poorly on a series of field sobriety tests. Additionally, his blood alcohol contest was measured at .218 and .211 (.08 is the legal limit).

    After being read his rights, Emmanuel “admitted to consuming 1-2 shots of whiskey prior to driving,” according to an arrest affidavit. The Gulfport resident also reportedly declared, “I’m a professional drinker.”

    Seen above, Emmanuel was arrested on a misdemeanor DUI charge. He was released from the county jail early yesterday on his own recognizance.

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    An argument “over a Kelly Clarkson TV show” turned violent Monday afternoon when a Florida Couple allegedly exchaged punches, according to police who busted the duo for domestic battery.

    According to arrest affidavits, Linda Donahower, 61, and Ronald Meyer, 55, were in their Clearwater residence late Monday afternoon when they “engaged in a verbal argument” about the Clarkson show.

    Clarkson, who won the first season of “American Idol” in 2002, hosts “The Kelly Clarkson Show,” a weekday talk show on NBC. The 37-year-old singer’s hour-long program debuted in September. On her December 30 show, Clarkson looked back at favorite moments from the program’s first few months, which included appearances by Kobe Bryant, musician Blake Shelton, and actress Tracee Ellis Ross.

    Investigators charge that the quarrel between Donahower and Meyer turned physical when an annoyed Donahower punched Meyer “in the shoulder to get him to be quiet.” Meyer allegedly responded by jumping on Donahower and striking her in the face.

    Cops report that the couple have been in a “romantic relationship for approximately 14 years,” and that they were both “intoxicated causing inconsistencies in their statements.” Donahower and Meyer were both “taken into custody for a mutual battery,” cops say.

    The combatants were each booked into the county jail for domestic battery, a misdemeanor. Donahower and Meyer were released on their own recognizance yesterday afternoon, and a judge has ordered them to have no contact with each other.

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    A Louisiana woman is behind bars on a felony drug possession charge after police discovered her methamphetamine stash in a small plastic container that was helpfully labeled “Dope.”

    Cops responded Saturday night to a West Monroe residence after an unidentified complainant reported finding “suspected narcotics” inside the apartment, which is home to Candyce Neel, 41.

    According to a probable cause affidavit, through “further investigation,” an officer found the “Dope” container with “suspected methamphetamine inside.”

    Neel, cops say, left the apartment “prior to deputies speaking with her.” However, she was later arrested after being found hiding behind the residence. After being read her rights, Neel reportedly “admitted ownership of the suspected narcotics.”

    Seen at right, Neel was charged with possession of a controlled dangerous substance and booked into the local jail, where she is being held on $3000 bond.

    Neel’s rap sheet includes prior collars for possession of stolen goods, driving without a license, possession of methamphetamine with intent to distribute, and failure to appear in court.

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    Luckily, “The Pop-Tart did not strike the victim,” police report.

    During an argument Sunday evening, a Florida Man threw a Pop-Tart at his wife’s head, according to cops who say that while the toaster pastry missed its target, the victim was struck in the arm by her spouse’s follow-through motion.

    According to investigators, Brandon Sutherland, 36, and his wife were quarreling in their St. Petersburg residence when, according to the victim, Sutherland “became upset and intentionally threw a Pop-Tart at her head.”

    While the Pop-Tart did not strike the 29-year-old woman, she was hit on the arm by Sutherland’s left hand. A sheriff’s deputy reported observing a red mark on the woman’s arm.

    During police questioning, Sutherland (seen above) reportedly confessed to throwing the Pop-Tart, and that he “grazed the victim’s right arm with his left hand.”

    A deputy noted that he “observed the broken Pop-Tart on the floor of the residence.”

    Sutherland was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody late Monday afternoon. A judge has ordered Sutherland to have no contact with the victim.

    Described as a “disabled vet” in court filings, Sutherland was arrested last March for allegedly battering the same woman (who is identified as his girlfriend in a March 2018 arrest affidavit). Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue the misdemeanor case against Sutherland.

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    In a plea deal, prosecutors dropped a phony ID charge filed against a tipsy Iowa collegian who was carrying a “fake Hawaii ID with the name ‘McLovin,’” in his wallet, court records show.

    Daniel Burleson, 20, was arrested in October during a 12:30 AM bar check at an Iowa City nightspot. The underage University of Iowa student, who smelled of booze and had slurred speech and bloodshot eyes, was escorted from the Airliner Bar and busted for public intoxication, being a minor in possession of alcohol, and being in a bar while underage.

    Burleson, seen at right, was hit with another charge when officers spotted what they described as the defendant’s “fake Hawaii ID with the name ‘McLovin’” and a June 1981 date of birth. According to an arrest report, Burleson told cops he purchased the ID “off of Amazon.”

    While the “McLovin” ID is a well known gag from “Superbad,” the 2007 comedy starring Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Seth Rogen, Iowa City cops apparently were not in on the joke. After actually contacting police dispatch--which “ran a query of the ID which returned no results”--cops cited Burleson for “possession of fictitious license, ID card or form.”

    After Burleson’s arrest was first reported in these pages, a bemused Rogen--who co-wrote “Superbad”--tweeted, “My work here is done.”

    During a recent court appearance, Burleson pleaded guilty to alcohol possession and being in a bar while underage. He was fined $265 by a District Court judge who dismissed the phony ID and public intoxication counts lodged against the business major.

    In a related development, Burleson turns 21 tomorrow. As for “McLovin,” he purportedly celebrated his 38th birthday on June 3.

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    A Florida felon has pleaded guilty to possessing the opioid fentanyl and Ecstasy pills in the shape of Donald Trump’s head, but he will avoid prison thanks to a generous plea deal, court records show.

    Brendan Dolan-King, 23, was sentenced last week to 18 months probation following guilty pleas to a pair of felony narcotics possession charges and a probation violation count. He was also ordered to pay about $1000 in fines and court fees.

    As part of Dolan-King’s plea deal, prosecutors dropped the top count lodged against him--felony possession of marijuana with intent to sell, manufacture, or deliver.

    Though Dolan-King faced a minimum of a year in custody, a judge cited his plea bargain and “treatment” as mitigating factors for a downward sentencing departure. Dolan-King is pictured above in a photo taken when his probation supervision began on December 2.

    Dolan-King was arrested in August after a search of his Clearwater apartment turned up drugs stashed inside an air vent. Police raided the residence because they suspected that Dolan-King “was possibly the person” who provided heroin to an overdose victim.

    As detailed in an arrest affidavit, police seized “five orange tablets in the shape of Donald Trump’s head marked Trump NL” and fentanyl powder. The seized Trump Ecstasy was similar in appearance to pills manufactured in Europe.

    At the time of his arrest, Dolan-King was on probation for a 2018 conviction for possessing cocaine and marijuana. His rap sheet also includes an earlier conviction for possessing cocaine, liquid THC, and MDMA pills (which were in the shape of Darth Vader).

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    During an argument yesterday morning, a Florida Woman took apart her family's artificial Christmas tree and proceeded to strike her longtime boyfriend with three sections of the fake fir, according to police.

    Responding to a call about a disturbance at a Clearwater property, cops made a forced entry into the home Krystall Graham, 38, and the victim share with two children. Upon entering the residence around 7 AM, Graham and the victim were “actively engaged in a physical altercation,” investigators reported.

    During a police interview, Graham said the couple began arguing “due to the victim setting the TV volume on too high while she was sleeping.” As a result, Graham said, she “squared up to the victim and was screaming in his face.”

    Seen above, Graham also reportedly admitted that she “took apart an artificial Christmas tree, and threw three sections of the tree” at the 38-year-old victim. As detailed in an arrest affidavit, cops noted that the victim had scratches and abrasions on his face, neck, and stomach.

    Graham’s two children--ages eight and two--were present during the confrontation. Graham and the victim, cops say, have been in a relationship for eight years and “have a child in common.”

    Charged with domestic battery, Graham was booked into the Pinellas County jail on the misdemeanor count. She was released from custody on her own recognizance early this morning.

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    A seasonal UPS worker was arrested yesterday and charged with stealing parcels containing more than $1000 worth of electronics, according to Florida cops.

    Emmanuel Reggin, 18, was busted on a felony grand theft charge. Reggin allegedly swiped packages that were supposed to be delivered in the Miami area.

    The teenager is accused of stealing two Kindles, an iPad, and a laptop. He was released on bond yesterday and is scheduled for arraignment on January 2.

    On a related note, how about that hair? It appears to have its own zip code and is similar in size and shape to Carnac the Magnificent’s turban.

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    The Pennsylvania woman who relieved herself on a potato bin at Walmart has gotten off with a slap on the wrist for her drunken idiocy, according to court records.

    In a plea agreement, Grace Brown copped last month to three minor criminal offenses in connection with her late-July antics in the produce section of a Walmart Supercenter near her Pittsburgh home. As part of the deal, prosecutors dropped a misdemeanor open lewdness charge against the 20-year-old Brown.

    Brown, seen in the above Walmart surveillance image, pleaded guilty to public drunkenness, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct, all summary offenses. She was ordered to pay more than $600 in fines, court costs, and restitution to Walmart.

    Security footage recorded Brown “pulling her pants down and squatting on a produce rack where potatoes and other vegetables are offered for sale,” according to a criminal complaint. “Shortly thereafter the defendant stands up, pulls her pants up and walks out of the store.”

    A Walmart worker subsequently informed store security that he “noticed urine on the floor near the potatoes in the produce area,” cops said. A Walmart spokesperson said that the store disposed of the soaked spuds and sanitized the area “to ensure cleanliness and safety for our customers.”

    When police showed Brown and her lawyer store surveillance clips, “Brown identified herself as the female in the video.” Prior to her Walmart collar, Brown had been arrested for disorderly conduct, drunk driving, and purchasing alcohol while underage.

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    1/8/20 UPDATE: Christopher remains on the lam.

    The Week of the Forehead Tattoo continues with Ohio police asking for the public’s help in the arrest of a 51-year-old ex-con/sex offender.

    The Washington County Sheriff’s Office today announced they are seeking to apprehend Douglas Perry Christopher on a warrant charging him with failing to provide law enforcement officials with his current address. Christopher was convicted of sexual battery in 2010 and spent more than 3-1/2 years in state prison.

    Christopher is classified as a Tier III sex offender and is required to register with police every 90 days for the rest of his life. Christopher pleaded guilty to the sexual battery of a 16-year-old friend of his daughter (who had invited the female victim over for a sleepover).      

    As seen above, Christopher is hard to miss considering the “Pot Head” tattoo on his forehead (not to mention those inked joint eyebrows and the marijuana leaf).

    Christopher’s rap sheet includes convictions for domestic violence, assault, disorderly conduct, and contempt of court. He was most recently convicted on a felony narcotics possession charge for which he served more than two years in state prison. He was released on parole this summer.

    Christopher is pictured in an Ohio Department of Rehabilitation & Correction mug shot. An earlier booking photo--which was released today by sheriff’s investigators--shows the pot leaf on Christopher’s forehead before it was filled in with green ink.

    Christopher’s last known address was in Belpre, a city along the Ohio River across from Parkersburg, West Virginia.

    Yesterday morning, cops arrested a wanted Indiana man who has “CRIME PAYS” tattooed on his forehead.

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    A Kansas man was driving a stolen car en route to post bail Friday morning for his older brother, who himself was driving a stolen car when arrested earlier that day.

    The McCracken brothers--Eric, 36, and Keith, 32,--are behind bars in the Johnson County jail on assorted charges, including possession of stolen property, a felony. The Topeka residents are being held in lieu of $7500 bond (Keith) and $5000 bond (Eric).

    According to cops, Keith was busted around 1:30 AM on November 29 for driving with a suspended license. Investigators subsequently determined that the 2007 Chevy Trailblazer Keith was driving was stolen.

    Eric, behind the wheel of a hot 2015 Chevy Silverado, was nabbed around 6 AM that same day following a vehicle pursuit by a Holton Police Department officer. Holton is the county seat of Jackson County and home to the local jail.

    The younger McCracken, cops say, was en route to post bail for his sibling. Eric (left) and Keith are pictured in the above mug shots.

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    After a few days on the lam, an Indiana man wanted in connection with a vehicle pursuit Friday evening has been apprehended.

    Donald Preston Murray, 38, was arrested late this morning and booked into the Vigo County jail in Terre Haute. Murray is currently being held without bond on criminal recklessness and resisting law enforcement charges.

    Murray, a Terre Haute resident, is best known for his forehead tattoo, which reads “CRIME PAYS.” Pictured above in a mug shot snapped today, Murray is scheduled for a court appearance Wednesday morning.

    Murray was convicted in September of drunk driving and sentenced to 60 days in jail and 40 hours of community service. He also had his driver’s license suspended.

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    A Florida stripper is facing criminal charges after allegedly kicking the manager of a gentleman’s club in the genitals while wearing high-heel "exotic dancer" shoes, according to a police report.

    Investigators allege that Lakiesha Ortiz, 35, became unruly early yesterday morning after the manager of Sinsations, an adult club in Clearwater, “asked her to go home for the evening.”

    Cops noted that Ortiz, who “is employed as an exotic dancer at Sinsations,” was asked to leave the club because she was intoxicated.

    Seen at right, Ortiz allegedly threw beer bottles and glass drinking cups upon being asked by manager Mark Kachucha to depart the club. Later, as club security and Kachucha sough to “de-escalate the situation,” Ortiz allegedly “front kicked” Kachucha "directly in his genitals" while wearing her work shoes.

    Ortiz then allegedly kicked Kachucha in the stomach. After cops arrived at Sinsations (seen below), Ortiz allegedly kicked Kachucha a third time, “directly in front” of a Clearwater Police Department sergeant.

    Charged with battery and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, Ortiz was booked into the county jail around 3:15 AM. She was released from custody Sunday evening on $650 bond.